As some of you may know that my grandma was hit by a car some time around June last year. We shipped her up from Muar to our place in August 2011 for convenience in regards to medical care.
Initially, she was the same old calm, caring, understanding grandmother that I have always known and could talk to for advice in regards to life. Well, unfortunately that is no longer the case. She is now an unreasonable and demanding grouch.
Allow me to give you an example. She has a fractured neck of femur. Put on skin traction initially to correct the deformity, surgery was not on the table as she also sustained injuries to her pelvis which caused unstoppable hemorrhaging into the pelvic region simply because they could never find the source. Packing was performed, twice. One more surgery was done as well but I have no idea what it was for.
So she is with Ortho follow up at Serdang Hospital. She kept on complaining that she wanted to see the doctors more often, specifically at least once a week. She kept pestering my parents but they kept ignoring knowing that it was not possible.
So they sent me to talk to her to explain everything. It went well initially but then it started to turn sour when she started to disagree with me on everything claiming that I was wrong. Mind you, I made sure I read up properly regarding the injury before lecturing her.
So what started out as a friendly explanation, quickly turned into an all out exorcism of false beliefs. It was an uphill battle as my Aunt who happens to be her caretaker kept on feeding her what seems to be my Aunt's own personal opinion on the matter and honestly, just wait to you hear the nonsense she spouts before judging me. Story of my Aunt will be covered in another post. It does deserve its own.
So after a while of arguing, she gave up and started targeting my beloved cat. Claiming it was a dirty, mangey, petri dish of diseases. She even blamed my cat for defacting in the house! This is unlikely as my cat has been very well trained to defacate in sand, she does have her own litter box and even if she doesn't use it, she will dig a hole where sand is available to relieve herself.
Both my Aunt and grandmother do not like the cat. Claiming it was diseased. Right.. I even bring it to sleep with me so if it was anything, I'd be the first to kick the bucket. The story of the cat defecating in the house we as in my parents and I suspect is the concoction of my Aunt's wonderful imagination. Location she pointed out was a small space between the outer door and the grill. No cat is stupid enough to go into a space it will not be able to escape out of, especially not mine who is smart enough to stay the hell away from the house for a couple of days after it has helped herself to some anchovies pried open from a plastic container.
To make the story even more unbelievable, my Aunt is amazingly lazy. More about that on another post. I would punish myself with 100 hours more of study time if she would take the effort to actually clean up after the cat. Chances are she'd leave it there for either Mum or I to do the dirty work. To cast more doubt on her fib, she claims that the cat did it twice. Right.. and I was born yesterday with an abscess the size of a football in my head.
So back to the story, after I left for the weekend. My grandmother complained to my uncle that I was very rude to her. My parents and I disagree, I was firm and strict to her. Not rude in the literal sense. Her idea of rude is challenging her and telling her she is wrong. Good luck with that. My uncle agrees with us but told me to just make her happy and leave her be in her little confined world. He also said to not allow the cat into the house because my grandmother didn't like it.
I know my grandmother does not like the cat not because it is diseased or dirty. Both my Aunt and her refuse to admit that my grandmother is jealous because I spend way more time playing with my darling feline than I spend talking to her or caring for her. First thing I do when I get home from Seremban is to hunt for my cat instead of acknowledging my grandmothers existence.
She ousted the cat in hopes I would pay more attention to her instead. Simply just to make her happy like everyone else. Too bad. I don't work that way. You take it out on an animal that I adore greatly, that is unable to defend itself when you throw baseless accusations at it, right.. that is going to make me respect and look at you in reverance. Oooohhh.. I am shaking. Go screw yourself. No one messes with my cat. When I say no one, I mean it.
A 10 year old kid once chased my cat as she was coming towards me. I walked over, grabbed him by his shirt, lifted him off the ground with the motherfucker look and told him to try that again if he wanted to find out what I would do to him. His friend's mother came out furious at what I was doing and started yelling at me. I calmly told her that she such a successful mother that her son makes awesome friends that bully animals that are unable to defend themselves. She got even angrier and threatened to tell my parents that I was rude to her. I replied calmly again, that it was fine, please proceed. My parents would love to have a word with you in regards to your son having friends that bullies our family cat. I continued by asking if she would like me to call them to let them know so they can join me in telling her off. She quickly brought her kids in and left me alone. LoL. It was a lot of fun. We never liked this neighbour. They act all high and mighty simply because one of their family members has a diploma. LoL.
Anyhow, back to the story. Sidetracked a little there. As for my grandmother right now, I ignore her completely as though she does not exist. Some may say that I am mean and disrespectful, I'd say that respect is earned not a given right. Make me lose respect for one, it is going to take a lot of regain it. It has been over a month now since it all started and I am still going at it.
Mum talked to me last week in attempts of reconciliation with my grandmother. I told her that I have better things to do than repair a broken bridge. Time is no longer a luxury that I can afford now that I am finally in my final year of uni. I am sincerely apologetic to my mother as I understand that my grandmother gives her tons of flak for my mistakes but it will soon come to pass. I can repay her later on in life.
Anyhow, that is all.
Cheers people.
Saturday, 17 March 2012
Tuesday, 6 March 2012
#40 I Would Care But I Couldn't Be Bothered
Apparently one of my ex-batchmates will be tying the knot soon. It came to light when he invited my other half to the wedding ceremony via Facebook, a service I no longer subscribe to and most likely won't be for the remainder of my time on the face of the earth.
Naturally, my other half asked if I would like to attend and just as naturally I declined (phrase used is a little too harsh to post here). I do not see the point of going at all. He was a friend back then, now he is an ex-batchmate. That's that. I do after all have better things to do rather than attend a wedding for someone I sincerely do not care about. Don't get me wrong, I do care about people whom I call friends. Other than that, they can go fly a ginormous kite.
Which brings me my point. If one is not important to me, do not expect me to show up for an occasion for you.
I am a social being, I'd admit to that. However, it is limited to the importance of the event, my convenience and most importantly the person in question. So as long as the latter is not adequate, the former two do not get called into action. I don't quite care if it is a joyful or woeful occasion.
I go to events based on the person organizing it. I will gladly put down whatever I am doing at that point of time for a friend in need but I mostly certainly will not entertain someone who has had their friendship revoked.
Speaking of which. I have been having a fair bit of trouble introducing my friends to my other half. Her reasoning being that currently, my friends are still course mates and I most likely will replace them in the future when I start work. Admittedly, I was a bit hurt by what she said. In some sense, it made me feel as if she was questioning the quality of friends I made. Then again, she has a reason to feel this way considering I used to keep shady people in my company.
Since, I am a being that disliked grey areas in life decided to make a general rule for us both. She is to keep her friends separate from me and vice versa. Don't know if she is alright with it but she has been notified. Therefore, she is free to attend his wedding considering that she has already added him as a friend on Facebook. Hey, one might argue that just because she added him on Facebook, that does not mean that she is friends with him right? I disagree. My other half does not simply just add people on Facebook. It is either friends or work related people. I believe he does not fall under work related.
So this is the reason why many of my friends have yet to meet my other half. They most likely will not either. I do intend to maintain the current state of affairs. It is much simpler too as it is unlikely that we will have a friend related argument.
Don't get me wrong once again. It is not that I don't love her or I am ranting about her on this blog. It is just one of those things that came into my mind as I am trying to feel tired enough to go to bed.
So far it is working out pretty well to be honest.
Enough of that, moving on. I care about my friends. If I consider you an acquaintance, you are disposable. Simply because they have failed at being a friend or equally that I have failed to become a friend to them because they do not matter to me. People I care about, I make sure they have my full attention and should they need me, I will be there for them. Now do you see why I have to draw the line somewhere? I can't be inconveniencing myself for every Tom Dick and Harry out there. They do after all have their own friends to inconvenience for that.
Cheers.
Naturally, my other half asked if I would like to attend and just as naturally I declined (phrase used is a little too harsh to post here). I do not see the point of going at all. He was a friend back then, now he is an ex-batchmate. That's that. I do after all have better things to do rather than attend a wedding for someone I sincerely do not care about. Don't get me wrong, I do care about people whom I call friends. Other than that, they can go fly a ginormous kite.
Which brings me my point. If one is not important to me, do not expect me to show up for an occasion for you.
I am a social being, I'd admit to that. However, it is limited to the importance of the event, my convenience and most importantly the person in question. So as long as the latter is not adequate, the former two do not get called into action. I don't quite care if it is a joyful or woeful occasion.
I go to events based on the person organizing it. I will gladly put down whatever I am doing at that point of time for a friend in need but I mostly certainly will not entertain someone who has had their friendship revoked.
Speaking of which. I have been having a fair bit of trouble introducing my friends to my other half. Her reasoning being that currently, my friends are still course mates and I most likely will replace them in the future when I start work. Admittedly, I was a bit hurt by what she said. In some sense, it made me feel as if she was questioning the quality of friends I made. Then again, she has a reason to feel this way considering I used to keep shady people in my company.
Since, I am a being that disliked grey areas in life decided to make a general rule for us both. She is to keep her friends separate from me and vice versa. Don't know if she is alright with it but she has been notified. Therefore, she is free to attend his wedding considering that she has already added him as a friend on Facebook. Hey, one might argue that just because she added him on Facebook, that does not mean that she is friends with him right? I disagree. My other half does not simply just add people on Facebook. It is either friends or work related people. I believe he does not fall under work related.
So this is the reason why many of my friends have yet to meet my other half. They most likely will not either. I do intend to maintain the current state of affairs. It is much simpler too as it is unlikely that we will have a friend related argument.
Don't get me wrong once again. It is not that I don't love her or I am ranting about her on this blog. It is just one of those things that came into my mind as I am trying to feel tired enough to go to bed.
So far it is working out pretty well to be honest.
Enough of that, moving on. I care about my friends. If I consider you an acquaintance, you are disposable. Simply because they have failed at being a friend or equally that I have failed to become a friend to them because they do not matter to me. People I care about, I make sure they have my full attention and should they need me, I will be there for them. Now do you see why I have to draw the line somewhere? I can't be inconveniencing myself for every Tom Dick and Harry out there. They do after all have their own friends to inconvenience for that.
Cheers.
Saturday, 25 February 2012
#39 Smile, It's The Least I Could Do
The past week has been.. well quite frankly, rubbish. This is speaking in context of someone who has his basic needs catered for and is functioning quite well. Don't lob me in the same category of a vagrant that considers tissue paper we use to wipe our mouths post dinner, a feast.
Back to the week. Things have been quite rough this week with a few issues that I would prefer to not disclose here. To sum it up, I learned exam stress brings out the worst in people. Those whom I thought were nice decent human beings turned out to be inconsiderate selfish bastards. We will leave it at that.
Exam on Friday ended at 5.10pm which was already pretty late for me as I drive down to KL to have dinner with my better half on a weekly basis. I already knew I'd be caught in traffic by the time I arrived at the Sg. Besi toll booths. That in itself is like having my wounds irrigated with normal saline and an inept house officer digitally attempting to remove any remaining debris and is not doing too good a job of it. Then, due to the lack of any form of liquid antiseptic, salt is used in effort to turn me into a human version of a salted fish. It rained..
We all know the age old joke about climbing the highest mountains, swimming the deepest seas etc etc for your other half but you can't go over to see them because it is raining. Well.. Today, that is exactly the same excuse I gave for leaving at 6pm instead.
Allow me to elaborate. Relative risk of me arriving at my destination as I had left, with no damage to my "mistress (Read: car)", on KL-Seremban highway, with rain that reduced visibility to 5 metres and heavy traffic.. Between that and playing Russian roulette with a fully loaded gun.. I'd take my chances with the gun.
In short. I did not get to spend as much time with her as I'd have liked to. Never mind that, I have Saturday where I can devote my entire day to her.. That was until dad told me that he wanted to take his car to the body shop to get some repairs done and that I'd have to take him to work..
Taking him to the body shop does not pose any issues but taking him to work does. I was already stuck in traffic on Friday, the first 60 kilometres took me about half an hour, the remaining 15 kilometres took me three times as long. Actually to be fair, 5 kilometres of it took me 75 minutes. So, the road to my dad's workplace is well as certain as the sun will rise tomorrow that the cursed road will be congested.
To make matters worse, I promised her that I'd bring her a Nasi Lemak Bungkus with squid tomorrow morning. To arrive at TTDI before that stall sells out, I'd have to get to them latest by 9am. So much for planning ahead. Sigh.. I do hope that next week will be a better week. Oh wait.. I forgot, Thursday and Friday will be bullocks yet again...
Friday is some uni event at Bukit Jalil, which does not concern me much except that attendance is COMPUL-****ing-SORY. Well.. its not too bad, I can hop over and crash the night at the gf's place but wait.. she is going to Kuching for work on Thursday and returning Friday at 8pm at night. Oh well..
This post is just a rant from a disgruntled "well taken care of (Read: spoilt)" brat. I have lots to be thankful for and I'm just throwing a hissy fit because things aren't going the way I want them to. I know I'm growing older as the days pass but hey, might as well keep the inner 6 year old child alive right?
So for now, the least I can do is smile.. Not because I am attempting to be pretentious but honestly, I don't know what else is left to do..
Back to the week. Things have been quite rough this week with a few issues that I would prefer to not disclose here. To sum it up, I learned exam stress brings out the worst in people. Those whom I thought were nice decent human beings turned out to be inconsiderate selfish bastards. We will leave it at that.
Exam on Friday ended at 5.10pm which was already pretty late for me as I drive down to KL to have dinner with my better half on a weekly basis. I already knew I'd be caught in traffic by the time I arrived at the Sg. Besi toll booths. That in itself is like having my wounds irrigated with normal saline and an inept house officer digitally attempting to remove any remaining debris and is not doing too good a job of it. Then, due to the lack of any form of liquid antiseptic, salt is used in effort to turn me into a human version of a salted fish. It rained..
We all know the age old joke about climbing the highest mountains, swimming the deepest seas etc etc for your other half but you can't go over to see them because it is raining. Well.. Today, that is exactly the same excuse I gave for leaving at 6pm instead.
Allow me to elaborate. Relative risk of me arriving at my destination as I had left, with no damage to my "mistress (Read: car)", on KL-Seremban highway, with rain that reduced visibility to 5 metres and heavy traffic.. Between that and playing Russian roulette with a fully loaded gun.. I'd take my chances with the gun.
In short. I did not get to spend as much time with her as I'd have liked to. Never mind that, I have Saturday where I can devote my entire day to her.. That was until dad told me that he wanted to take his car to the body shop to get some repairs done and that I'd have to take him to work..
Taking him to the body shop does not pose any issues but taking him to work does. I was already stuck in traffic on Friday, the first 60 kilometres took me about half an hour, the remaining 15 kilometres took me three times as long. Actually to be fair, 5 kilometres of it took me 75 minutes. So, the road to my dad's workplace is well as certain as the sun will rise tomorrow that the cursed road will be congested.
To make matters worse, I promised her that I'd bring her a Nasi Lemak Bungkus with squid tomorrow morning. To arrive at TTDI before that stall sells out, I'd have to get to them latest by 9am. So much for planning ahead. Sigh.. I do hope that next week will be a better week. Oh wait.. I forgot, Thursday and Friday will be bullocks yet again...
Friday is some uni event at Bukit Jalil, which does not concern me much except that attendance is COMPUL-****ing-SORY. Well.. its not too bad, I can hop over and crash the night at the gf's place but wait.. she is going to Kuching for work on Thursday and returning Friday at 8pm at night. Oh well..
This post is just a rant from a disgruntled "well taken care of (Read: spoilt)" brat. I have lots to be thankful for and I'm just throwing a hissy fit because things aren't going the way I want them to. I know I'm growing older as the days pass but hey, might as well keep the inner 6 year old child alive right?
So for now, the least I can do is smile.. Not because I am attempting to be pretentious but honestly, I don't know what else is left to do..
Saturday, 18 February 2012
#38 All Or Nothing
It has been a while since I last updated. I could give a plethora of logical excuses but then, it would all be a blatant lie.
Simple reason was simply because I didn't feel that I was in the proper state of mind to write anything worth my time.
Over the past month, I have been quite.. Well disturbed.. Mentally that is. As normal as I may have looked and sounded, the turmoil inside of me does occassionally find its way out and manifests itself as a malicious being incapable of remorse or self control.
Thankfully, it has only occurred twice outside the comforts of the six walls that keep me well enclosed from the outside world. My personal sanctuary. Yes, the floor and ceiling were included in the equation.
Alright, back to the post at hand.
I have been dealing with my demons for a while now. However, I realized that I was not getting anywhere as I have been trying to focus on too many of them at any given time. Bear in mind that when I say "job", I mean anything one undertakes.
Personally, I do not believe that any job half done is worth 50% out of a possible 100%. I feel that a job half done is as good as 0%. Allow me to elaborate further. This does not mean that a job that is interpreted by one as 100% complete, translate into the exact same thing to another. What I may deem as 100%, another may see it as only 10% and so on so forth.
Back to doing half arsed work.. A job half done is not worth doing at all in the first place I sincerely believe. Either do your best or don't bother at all. If you must, then at the very most put just 10% of effort in order to minimize losses.
The demons that I have been at war with for the longest time has not been defeated due to excessive division of attention. In short, I did way too much at one go than I could handle. I believe that whenever attention is divided, lossess increase exponentially. Also to add to that, I believe that whatever one undertakes, one must account for the lossess during transmission. Because one does something whole heartedly, does not mean the end result will display the true amount of effort used to create it.
I sat back to examine how far I have come and I was truly appalled at what I found. I haven't gone much further than when I started. This sudden review of oneself was brought on by an issue that would not have occurred in the first place should the respective demons been dealt with. This issue caused a lot of undue stress and frustration that could have been very easily avoided.
Hence, I started to prioritize what needed to be dealt with first and what could be left to run amok. However, God is fair. That demon has another demon that antagonizes its effects. Not that either of them is any good but it will suffice for the time being. Besides, they have kept me company for many a year.
I do sincerely believe in the concept of "Chaos Theory" and "Murphy's Law". With those two in mind, I do hope that you can see the implications of releasing my demons back into the wild. I will eventually get to dealing with them but in the mean time, I do wonder what kind of damage will be done? Plus most of them are inter related, affecting one another with each passing day.
No need to worry, schadenfreude is not one of them.
Even though I say that I have let them loose, I still do maintain a small degree of control over them so they do not run rampant all over my life. However, some individuals really do need to learn that I do have my limits and things tend to get very ugly when they are breached for prolonged periods of time.
I tend to maintain a safe distance from these people but some of them I am unable to stay away from for reasons I shall not disclose. These are the people that are most at risk of seeing me explode grey matter all over them. At this point of time, 3 of them are coming dangerously close to seeing me snap.
Names are witheld to avoid confrontation.
I really need to find some time to escape from them all to allow myself to cool down a bit. I don't blame them per se. I blame myself at the end of the day for being unable to deal with the crap they give and being so intolerant. Unfortunately, life does not work that way and they will not go away. So I will have to devise a plan to circumvent the impending "slip of tongue".
That is all for now and one last thing before I sign off.
A statement I read somewhere that goes like this, "I am responsible for what I say, I am not responsible for what you understand (or how one interprets it)". With that said, I am relieving myself of all responsibility should a misunderstanding occur. If you are unsure, do clarify and stop making assumptions.
Cheers.
Simple reason was simply because I didn't feel that I was in the proper state of mind to write anything worth my time.
Over the past month, I have been quite.. Well disturbed.. Mentally that is. As normal as I may have looked and sounded, the turmoil inside of me does occassionally find its way out and manifests itself as a malicious being incapable of remorse or self control.
Thankfully, it has only occurred twice outside the comforts of the six walls that keep me well enclosed from the outside world. My personal sanctuary. Yes, the floor and ceiling were included in the equation.
Alright, back to the post at hand.
I have been dealing with my demons for a while now. However, I realized that I was not getting anywhere as I have been trying to focus on too many of them at any given time. Bear in mind that when I say "job", I mean anything one undertakes.
Personally, I do not believe that any job half done is worth 50% out of a possible 100%. I feel that a job half done is as good as 0%. Allow me to elaborate further. This does not mean that a job that is interpreted by one as 100% complete, translate into the exact same thing to another. What I may deem as 100%, another may see it as only 10% and so on so forth.
Back to doing half arsed work.. A job half done is not worth doing at all in the first place I sincerely believe. Either do your best or don't bother at all. If you must, then at the very most put just 10% of effort in order to minimize losses.
The demons that I have been at war with for the longest time has not been defeated due to excessive division of attention. In short, I did way too much at one go than I could handle. I believe that whenever attention is divided, lossess increase exponentially. Also to add to that, I believe that whatever one undertakes, one must account for the lossess during transmission. Because one does something whole heartedly, does not mean the end result will display the true amount of effort used to create it.
I sat back to examine how far I have come and I was truly appalled at what I found. I haven't gone much further than when I started. This sudden review of oneself was brought on by an issue that would not have occurred in the first place should the respective demons been dealt with. This issue caused a lot of undue stress and frustration that could have been very easily avoided.
Hence, I started to prioritize what needed to be dealt with first and what could be left to run amok. However, God is fair. That demon has another demon that antagonizes its effects. Not that either of them is any good but it will suffice for the time being. Besides, they have kept me company for many a year.
I do sincerely believe in the concept of "Chaos Theory" and "Murphy's Law". With those two in mind, I do hope that you can see the implications of releasing my demons back into the wild. I will eventually get to dealing with them but in the mean time, I do wonder what kind of damage will be done? Plus most of them are inter related, affecting one another with each passing day.
No need to worry, schadenfreude is not one of them.
Even though I say that I have let them loose, I still do maintain a small degree of control over them so they do not run rampant all over my life. However, some individuals really do need to learn that I do have my limits and things tend to get very ugly when they are breached for prolonged periods of time.
I tend to maintain a safe distance from these people but some of them I am unable to stay away from for reasons I shall not disclose. These are the people that are most at risk of seeing me explode grey matter all over them. At this point of time, 3 of them are coming dangerously close to seeing me snap.
Names are witheld to avoid confrontation.
I really need to find some time to escape from them all to allow myself to cool down a bit. I don't blame them per se. I blame myself at the end of the day for being unable to deal with the crap they give and being so intolerant. Unfortunately, life does not work that way and they will not go away. So I will have to devise a plan to circumvent the impending "slip of tongue".
That is all for now and one last thing before I sign off.
A statement I read somewhere that goes like this, "I am responsible for what I say, I am not responsible for what you understand (or how one interprets it)". With that said, I am relieving myself of all responsibility should a misunderstanding occur. If you are unsure, do clarify and stop making assumptions.
Cheers.
Monday, 23 January 2012
#37 Helpless and Insecure
It has come to a point where holding in all that pent up rage and anger is starting to eat away at me. I don't know how much longer I can keep at this. Smiling at people I don't like, being nice to people I don't give two hoots about.
There appears to be no way I can vent some of these frustrations out. Most of the options that used to be available to me are now closed doors. I am quickly running out of ways to deal with the problem. To make things worse, no one can seem to help me with this. It is not that I want to transfer my anguish to another but more like I need to rant it all out and get it over and done with.
Some may say that I have this blog for that very reason. I'd argue that some things that I say, I may not mean and whatever I write here I have to be careful that it will not some day come back and bite me back in the arse or cause irreparable damage to friendship. Some things you just need to let out and be done with it. Forever forgotten never to be resurrected again.
Whatever said, as long as it is not recorded to a trusted friend will most of the time die with that friend provided you do not make an enemy out of that person. Whatever written electronically can be saved and the screen can be printed and eventually serve as evidence against the person who wrote it in the first place.
Hence, the reason unlike before. I no longer write whatever the hell I please, I have tasted the repercussions of being a little too loose with my fingers. It has brought nothing but trouble. Thing is, it is not trouble to myself. I can live with that and retaliate as I please but more to the people I care about. Especially, now that I have her I need to be careful with my dealings with people. I can no longer say things like a juvenile or say things I do not mean.
All these restrictions are starting to eat away at who I am. Every single time I take a turn, I face an obstacle or a closed door. That in itself is starting to piss the hell out of me. I am on the verge of breaking down those very doors and saying screw it to everything. Would love to very well to do all that right now but I still can hold on for just a little while longer.
We will see how much longer I can keep this facade up. Until the day it has become too much to bear, I will keep living this lie. Pleasing others at the expense of my own happiness. Being nice because I have to not because I want to. Smiling as though the world is a beautiful place when I curse the day I was born.
Perhaps it is better after all to end it all and leave this sick sad little world behind..
There appears to be no way I can vent some of these frustrations out. Most of the options that used to be available to me are now closed doors. I am quickly running out of ways to deal with the problem. To make things worse, no one can seem to help me with this. It is not that I want to transfer my anguish to another but more like I need to rant it all out and get it over and done with.
Some may say that I have this blog for that very reason. I'd argue that some things that I say, I may not mean and whatever I write here I have to be careful that it will not some day come back and bite me back in the arse or cause irreparable damage to friendship. Some things you just need to let out and be done with it. Forever forgotten never to be resurrected again.
Whatever said, as long as it is not recorded to a trusted friend will most of the time die with that friend provided you do not make an enemy out of that person. Whatever written electronically can be saved and the screen can be printed and eventually serve as evidence against the person who wrote it in the first place.
Hence, the reason unlike before. I no longer write whatever the hell I please, I have tasted the repercussions of being a little too loose with my fingers. It has brought nothing but trouble. Thing is, it is not trouble to myself. I can live with that and retaliate as I please but more to the people I care about. Especially, now that I have her I need to be careful with my dealings with people. I can no longer say things like a juvenile or say things I do not mean.
All these restrictions are starting to eat away at who I am. Every single time I take a turn, I face an obstacle or a closed door. That in itself is starting to piss the hell out of me. I am on the verge of breaking down those very doors and saying screw it to everything. Would love to very well to do all that right now but I still can hold on for just a little while longer.
We will see how much longer I can keep this facade up. Until the day it has become too much to bear, I will keep living this lie. Pleasing others at the expense of my own happiness. Being nice because I have to not because I want to. Smiling as though the world is a beautiful place when I curse the day I was born.
Perhaps it is better after all to end it all and leave this sick sad little world behind..
Monday, 9 January 2012
#36 Renting Issues Part 7: Courtesy In Treating Your Tenant
This has been a very long 7 part rant but it has finally come down to the very last one.
During my absence when I was doing my electives. Did you know that the landlady refused to pick up my Reader's Digest? Not one but 2 of them were left exactly where the postman had left them. On the floor. Not only on the floor but left in the sun and rain, that is okay since they were in plastic wrappings but one of them has become a little faded.
To top it off, she even drove over one of them. There were tire marks over one magazine. What a nice person she is.
Then despite successfully delivering the magazine for 7 months, one fine day the postman decided to not deliver/deliver it to the wrong house. Come on, we all know you took it or perhaps your daughter. Then to avoid my wrath for opening my magazine, you kept it with the hopes that I would blame the postman or the company.
One more thing, when staying with someone. A financial background check with your friends who work in banks is advised. NEVER stay with someone broke, for all you know, one fine day you may be evicted as she has not paid her house loan installments for a couple of months and despite numerous calls to her accompanied by visits by bank officials due to failure to reach her via phone.
One piece of advice to my ex landlady. Quit bragging so much. She claimed her daughter has a macbook which turned out to be an iPad (note the absence of the '2' after the iPad).
Stop bragging about driving a Japanese car which you could barely pay the insurance for, can't keep up with the installments which are 3 months overdue, have 10k in traffic summonses, cannot afford to send it back to Toyota for maintenance and the uncanny inability to afford to patch up a puncture and new tires considering yours has the same surface as the tiles you park your car on.
Stop bragging about having many friends who couldn't save your sorry ass that you had to ask for money from a 23 year old student. Have some shame will you?
Stop bragging about how wealthy you are when your credit card companies are demanding that you pay up the entire amount you owe which by the way is not exactly a small amount either because you haven't been able to pay the measly 5% they ask of you on a monthly basis.
Stop bragging about your iPhone 1 because its way outdated past its time.
Stop for heaven's sake bragging about single handedly raising 2 daughters that take you to Fahrenheit 88 which is a place of wealth for the poor that cannot even help you with your house installments. That is just sad that 3 working people can't keep up with a cheap house located in Seremban 3.
Another thing, stop bragging about renovations done because they were all shoddy pieces of work. Nothing works properly in your house and the build quality of the interior is absolutely appalling. Oh wait, I'm sorry. You are too poor to do it properly. My bad.
Only reason I am not afraid of posting all this up is simply because you are way too poor to afford a lawyer, even if you were able to, it wouldn't be a good one anyway which will allow me to win regardless.
Then again she should be pretty well versed with the law judging by the impending lawsuits that she is up against. Even the IRB is suing her for owing them about 24 - 25k.
To be honest, I do not hold anything against you. I just take joy in seeing you go up in flames. I could very well attempt to cause harm to you but I do not see the point in doing so, you are already screwing yourself much better than I could ever hope to achieve.
With that, here ends my rant. Thanks for reading. More rants will be coming tomorrow. I really just need to get this all off my chest before I harm myself.
During my absence when I was doing my electives. Did you know that the landlady refused to pick up my Reader's Digest? Not one but 2 of them were left exactly where the postman had left them. On the floor. Not only on the floor but left in the sun and rain, that is okay since they were in plastic wrappings but one of them has become a little faded.
To top it off, she even drove over one of them. There were tire marks over one magazine. What a nice person she is.
Then despite successfully delivering the magazine for 7 months, one fine day the postman decided to not deliver/deliver it to the wrong house. Come on, we all know you took it or perhaps your daughter. Then to avoid my wrath for opening my magazine, you kept it with the hopes that I would blame the postman or the company.
One more thing, when staying with someone. A financial background check with your friends who work in banks is advised. NEVER stay with someone broke, for all you know, one fine day you may be evicted as she has not paid her house loan installments for a couple of months and despite numerous calls to her accompanied by visits by bank officials due to failure to reach her via phone.
One piece of advice to my ex landlady. Quit bragging so much. She claimed her daughter has a macbook which turned out to be an iPad (note the absence of the '2' after the iPad).
Stop bragging about driving a Japanese car which you could barely pay the insurance for, can't keep up with the installments which are 3 months overdue, have 10k in traffic summonses, cannot afford to send it back to Toyota for maintenance and the uncanny inability to afford to patch up a puncture and new tires considering yours has the same surface as the tiles you park your car on.
Stop bragging about having many friends who couldn't save your sorry ass that you had to ask for money from a 23 year old student. Have some shame will you?
Stop bragging about how wealthy you are when your credit card companies are demanding that you pay up the entire amount you owe which by the way is not exactly a small amount either because you haven't been able to pay the measly 5% they ask of you on a monthly basis.
Stop bragging about your iPhone 1 because its way outdated past its time.
Stop for heaven's sake bragging about single handedly raising 2 daughters that take you to Fahrenheit 88 which is a place of wealth for the poor that cannot even help you with your house installments. That is just sad that 3 working people can't keep up with a cheap house located in Seremban 3.
Another thing, stop bragging about renovations done because they were all shoddy pieces of work. Nothing works properly in your house and the build quality of the interior is absolutely appalling. Oh wait, I'm sorry. You are too poor to do it properly. My bad.
Only reason I am not afraid of posting all this up is simply because you are way too poor to afford a lawyer, even if you were able to, it wouldn't be a good one anyway which will allow me to win regardless.
Then again she should be pretty well versed with the law judging by the impending lawsuits that she is up against. Even the IRB is suing her for owing them about 24 - 25k.
To be honest, I do not hold anything against you. I just take joy in seeing you go up in flames. I could very well attempt to cause harm to you but I do not see the point in doing so, you are already screwing yourself much better than I could ever hope to achieve.
With that, here ends my rant. Thanks for reading. More rants will be coming tomorrow. I really just need to get this all off my chest before I harm myself.
#35 Renting Issues Part 6: Courtesy With Returning Deposit
As I have mentioned earlier, she is refusing to return the deposit.
She called my mum and told my mum that she is tight this month and will only be able to give the deposit back at a later date. I smell bullshit. She had 40 days to prepare it and as I mentioned earlier, she did not even have the courtesy to inform us beforehand that she would not be able to return it just yet. She had to be reminded, which I think is utter bullocks. This just shows she had no intention of returning it with the hope I'd forget.
I would have except she gave me so much crap towards the end of my stay.
Oh, I forgot to mention that one day when her daughter was over and asked if she could use the internet. I lied and said mine was down and that I was working off my phone, quickly changing the SSID of my router to "meLvyn S2".
Plus I know they enter my room just to turn on my router too, so I took the liberty of hiding my power adapter to the wifi router every weekend. You treat me like crap, you don't use my shit. I share only with friends and she certainly does not qualify as one.
She also said she would not give the deposit back till I cleared the phone bill of RM950. Thinking I could not, we settled it by the next day. She thinks that RM950 is a lot, it is in some sense but it is not like we don't have that kind of cash. Just because she is a broke as bitch, doesn't mean the rest of the world is too. Besides, what is it to her? The line is mine, under my name, paid by my parents. Just because it leads to her place doesn't mean that they will harass her for it. I still have 2 other accounts with TM. They can find me easily if they pleased.
Due to her badly planned and frankly rubbish renovations to the house, the internal wiring for the telephone line was severed. This meant I had to fork out an extra RM300 just to have the line dragged into my room. If she had the courtesy of genuinely being sorry for asking me to move out, she would have offered to reimburse me for at least half the cost of the installation. She didn't.
When she threatened to not return the deposit should the bill not be paid, I guessed as much that her daughters would want to use the line. Hence, the reason she is rushing me to get it disconnected so they are free to apply for internet at their place without having to pay for the physical phone line.
Unfortunately, this did not rest well with me. I know this is petty and juvenile but I did it anyway. I removed the line completely. Good luck. What could have saved her RM150 - RM300 was gone just like that thanks to that big mouth of hers.
Speaking of which, what if she complains and not give back the deposit as promised due to the recent events? Thanks to her big mouth, she told me to bring everything I brought with me back with me when I left. So, in a sense I was obligated to remove the phone line too!
I have a nagging feeling that mum told her that she doesn't have to return the deposit. Telling me to not harass the landlady anymore and that she will deal with my mother from here on out.
Bull-fucking-shit. When she wanted 5 months advance rent, she begged me instead of calling my parents. Then when it comes to returning money, she deals with my parents instead.
So as to punish my mother for screwing with me and the landlady, I am currently holding her house keys hostage. Since my mother is giving money away to a random useless broke as hell stranger, I might as well have the money. I am after all her own flesh and blood. If you don't want it, why not give it to me instead?
I told mum that I want the deposit since she doesn't want it and if she doesn't want me to have it either, it is alright too. I told her that I don't give a damn where the money comes from as long as I receive it, I will return the keys. Otherwise, dream on. Not only that, I still have Reader's Digest sent to that house for another 4 more months. So, either I receive reimbursement for the magazines or alternatively I receive the magazines themselves then only will I return the keys.
Mum got angry at this point and told me not to bother returning them. Oh dear mother, you are such an open book.
You definitely told her that she does not need to return the deposit. So this means, it is my turn to show my hand =)
You may say that she can change the locks on the house. That is true. However, does she really want to change all 3 door locks and the automatic gate lock as well? Estimated cost is about RM400 - RM500 total. So please do that. I would love that to happen to be honest considering mum does not want the deposit back. At least let me have some fun mind fucking this fool of a landlady.
This ends part 6. Next one is the last.
She called my mum and told my mum that she is tight this month and will only be able to give the deposit back at a later date. I smell bullshit. She had 40 days to prepare it and as I mentioned earlier, she did not even have the courtesy to inform us beforehand that she would not be able to return it just yet. She had to be reminded, which I think is utter bullocks. This just shows she had no intention of returning it with the hope I'd forget.
I would have except she gave me so much crap towards the end of my stay.
Oh, I forgot to mention that one day when her daughter was over and asked if she could use the internet. I lied and said mine was down and that I was working off my phone, quickly changing the SSID of my router to "meLvyn S2".
Plus I know they enter my room just to turn on my router too, so I took the liberty of hiding my power adapter to the wifi router every weekend. You treat me like crap, you don't use my shit. I share only with friends and she certainly does not qualify as one.
She also said she would not give the deposit back till I cleared the phone bill of RM950. Thinking I could not, we settled it by the next day. She thinks that RM950 is a lot, it is in some sense but it is not like we don't have that kind of cash. Just because she is a broke as bitch, doesn't mean the rest of the world is too. Besides, what is it to her? The line is mine, under my name, paid by my parents. Just because it leads to her place doesn't mean that they will harass her for it. I still have 2 other accounts with TM. They can find me easily if they pleased.
Due to her badly planned and frankly rubbish renovations to the house, the internal wiring for the telephone line was severed. This meant I had to fork out an extra RM300 just to have the line dragged into my room. If she had the courtesy of genuinely being sorry for asking me to move out, she would have offered to reimburse me for at least half the cost of the installation. She didn't.
When she threatened to not return the deposit should the bill not be paid, I guessed as much that her daughters would want to use the line. Hence, the reason she is rushing me to get it disconnected so they are free to apply for internet at their place without having to pay for the physical phone line.
Unfortunately, this did not rest well with me. I know this is petty and juvenile but I did it anyway. I removed the line completely. Good luck. What could have saved her RM150 - RM300 was gone just like that thanks to that big mouth of hers.
Speaking of which, what if she complains and not give back the deposit as promised due to the recent events? Thanks to her big mouth, she told me to bring everything I brought with me back with me when I left. So, in a sense I was obligated to remove the phone line too!
I have a nagging feeling that mum told her that she doesn't have to return the deposit. Telling me to not harass the landlady anymore and that she will deal with my mother from here on out.
Bull-fucking-shit. When she wanted 5 months advance rent, she begged me instead of calling my parents. Then when it comes to returning money, she deals with my parents instead.
So as to punish my mother for screwing with me and the landlady, I am currently holding her house keys hostage. Since my mother is giving money away to a random useless broke as hell stranger, I might as well have the money. I am after all her own flesh and blood. If you don't want it, why not give it to me instead?
I told mum that I want the deposit since she doesn't want it and if she doesn't want me to have it either, it is alright too. I told her that I don't give a damn where the money comes from as long as I receive it, I will return the keys. Otherwise, dream on. Not only that, I still have Reader's Digest sent to that house for another 4 more months. So, either I receive reimbursement for the magazines or alternatively I receive the magazines themselves then only will I return the keys.
Mum got angry at this point and told me not to bother returning them. Oh dear mother, you are such an open book.
You definitely told her that she does not need to return the deposit. So this means, it is my turn to show my hand =)
You may say that she can change the locks on the house. That is true. However, does she really want to change all 3 door locks and the automatic gate lock as well? Estimated cost is about RM400 - RM500 total. So please do that. I would love that to happen to be honest considering mum does not want the deposit back. At least let me have some fun mind fucking this fool of a landlady.
This ends part 6. Next one is the last.
#34 Renting Issues Part 5: Courtesy With The Washing Machine
As stated earlier, she is perhaps too broke to even spend RM20 on a clothesline. So she keeps on using mine, again without permission. Not that I am too bothered about it until I actually need to use it myself!
She has been continuously restricting my use of the washing machine. This was literally straight after I started keeping my laundry detergent in my room to prevent her from using it.
She started by putting a single shirt in the washing machine when I do know she has a laundry bag situated in her room as I have observed when she does her laundry. So, I normally remove the offending item and proceed to wash my stuff then put it back in.
So next, she resorted to putting even more and bulkier items in. I did the same and put them back in after I was done with the washing machine.
Then, she went even further to wash her clothes overnight hoping I wouldn't touch them. So, I did the same again but set her clothes to wash again so they appear to not have been moved. Though I feel a clothesline full of washed clothes is a dead giveaway.
She then proceeded to soak her clothes with so little washing powder that I wondered if there was any in it until I took it to a litmus paper. This was left soaking for 2 days straight. To remedy this nagging issue, I drained the water and washed my stuff then soaked hers back again using more detergent this time that belonged to her.
She then put her clothes on the washing machine, whether they were there to dry or not completely eludes me but she intentionally left her underwear there too. That I will not touch. She won. This went on for 3 days. Leaving me only Thursday to do my laundry. This was a problem as I am severely limited by the amount of clothes my clothesline could take.
This ends part 5.
She has been continuously restricting my use of the washing machine. This was literally straight after I started keeping my laundry detergent in my room to prevent her from using it.
She started by putting a single shirt in the washing machine when I do know she has a laundry bag situated in her room as I have observed when she does her laundry. So, I normally remove the offending item and proceed to wash my stuff then put it back in.
So next, she resorted to putting even more and bulkier items in. I did the same and put them back in after I was done with the washing machine.
Then, she went even further to wash her clothes overnight hoping I wouldn't touch them. So, I did the same again but set her clothes to wash again so they appear to not have been moved. Though I feel a clothesline full of washed clothes is a dead giveaway.
She then proceeded to soak her clothes with so little washing powder that I wondered if there was any in it until I took it to a litmus paper. This was left soaking for 2 days straight. To remedy this nagging issue, I drained the water and washed my stuff then soaked hers back again using more detergent this time that belonged to her.
She then put her clothes on the washing machine, whether they were there to dry or not completely eludes me but she intentionally left her underwear there too. That I will not touch. She won. This went on for 3 days. Leaving me only Thursday to do my laundry. This was a problem as I am severely limited by the amount of clothes my clothesline could take.
This ends part 5.
#33 Renting Issues Part 4: Courtesy With Consumables
The landlady is so broke, she has resorted to stealing my supply of food. Hoping that I would never notice its absence.
Allow me to list my losses:-
1. 1 packet of Hup Seng biscuits
2. 1 tube of wasabi
3. 1/2 tub of Haagen Dazs
4. 2 liters of full cream milk
5. 6 sachets of assorted Twinnings tea bags
6. Approx. 3 servings of Milo powder
7. Approx. 4 cups of Nescafe Gold coffee powder
8. 4 After Eight chocolate mints
9. 1 liter of soya bean milk
10. 1 liter of chrysanthemum tea
11. Approx. 100g of sugar
12. 2.4 liters of Berri Mango Juice
13. Approx. 1 liter of Sarsi
14. 3 triangles of Laughing Cow cheese
15. 4 slices of Cheesedale cheese
16. 7 packets of assorted instant noodles of varying prices
Reason I know? First of all, I can remember what I have eaten and what I haven't. Second, I take note of my supply from time to time.
Reason I am being so anal about it all? Simply because she has been so ridiculously calculative with me on various things.
Another thing is my washing detergent. I am willing to spend some money on getting liquid detergent. She is way too broke for that form of luxury apparently and use very little powder god-knows-where-its-from detergent. I used to leave my washing detergent next to the washing machine until one day I caught her using mine. She was being extremely generous with herself, using more than she should as she stank up the entire house with the smell of my detergent. She was clever to only use it over the weekend when I was not around too.
Mum told me to let it slide but I simply won't have any of it as I have specifically told her to notify me when she consumes any of the above except the laundry detergent as I did not expect her to be so cheap. Unfortunately she is and is trying to get away with it.
I mean, if you consume and replace it. I'd be fine. Using my laundry detergent once or twice when yours has run out, are too busy to buy some more and then notify me! Instead, she chooses to sneakily use it and keep her mouth shut about it.
This ends part 4.
Allow me to list my losses:-
1. 1 packet of Hup Seng biscuits
2. 1 tube of wasabi
3. 1/2 tub of Haagen Dazs
4. 2 liters of full cream milk
5. 6 sachets of assorted Twinnings tea bags
6. Approx. 3 servings of Milo powder
7. Approx. 4 cups of Nescafe Gold coffee powder
8. 4 After Eight chocolate mints
9. 1 liter of soya bean milk
10. 1 liter of chrysanthemum tea
11. Approx. 100g of sugar
12. 2.4 liters of Berri Mango Juice
13. Approx. 1 liter of Sarsi
14. 3 triangles of Laughing Cow cheese
15. 4 slices of Cheesedale cheese
16. 7 packets of assorted instant noodles of varying prices
Reason I know? First of all, I can remember what I have eaten and what I haven't. Second, I take note of my supply from time to time.
Reason I am being so anal about it all? Simply because she has been so ridiculously calculative with me on various things.
Another thing is my washing detergent. I am willing to spend some money on getting liquid detergent. She is way too broke for that form of luxury apparently and use very little powder god-knows-where-its-from detergent. I used to leave my washing detergent next to the washing machine until one day I caught her using mine. She was being extremely generous with herself, using more than she should as she stank up the entire house with the smell of my detergent. She was clever to only use it over the weekend when I was not around too.
Mum told me to let it slide but I simply won't have any of it as I have specifically told her to notify me when she consumes any of the above except the laundry detergent as I did not expect her to be so cheap. Unfortunately she is and is trying to get away with it.
I mean, if you consume and replace it. I'd be fine. Using my laundry detergent once or twice when yours has run out, are too busy to buy some more and then notify me! Instead, she chooses to sneakily use it and keep her mouth shut about it.
This ends part 4.
#32 Renting Issues Part 3: Privacy
The landlady did not give me a key for my room but I was alright with it as I was only staying with her. I did not believe that she would resort to stealing until I made a few calls and discovered that she has quite a sizable sum in outstanding debts.
Due to the ludicrous and badly planned renovations she has inflicted upon her house, the 4 rooms upstairs has become 3 and one of the rooms has no usable (technically) toilet upstairs. She demolished the walls of 2 rooms and merged them into one engulfing the poor little toilet that lied in between them and converted it into her own personal one instead.
So when her daughters and one of their boyfriends come over to stay, they have a bad tendency to use my toilet without my permission. I mean, I know its her house but I am renting the whole room. She could at the very least have the courtesy to ask as I have valuables in my room. Actually, she was just trying to save herself the trouble of me saying no.
Unfortunately, her daughter and her boyfriend aren't the sharpest tool in the shed. He has a tendency to forget to flush the toilet and leave pee stains on the toilet bowl. Plus my toilet floor miraculously remains wet despite being left to dry for 6 hours.
The landlady also has a very bad habit of coming into my room. Why and what for, I have no idea but I certainly hope she hasn't taken anything. Given her current financial state, she might have and I would be none the wiser considering that I do have quite a lot of stuff in my room. How I found out? I set a trap before leaving my room. I tied a little block of wood just behind my door and pull it close to the door when I leave. I have come home several times to discover that the string has been moved so that is how I know.
Allow me to move on to Part 4
Due to the ludicrous and badly planned renovations she has inflicted upon her house, the 4 rooms upstairs has become 3 and one of the rooms has no usable (technically) toilet upstairs. She demolished the walls of 2 rooms and merged them into one engulfing the poor little toilet that lied in between them and converted it into her own personal one instead.
So when her daughters and one of their boyfriends come over to stay, they have a bad tendency to use my toilet without my permission. I mean, I know its her house but I am renting the whole room. She could at the very least have the courtesy to ask as I have valuables in my room. Actually, she was just trying to save herself the trouble of me saying no.
Unfortunately, her daughter and her boyfriend aren't the sharpest tool in the shed. He has a tendency to forget to flush the toilet and leave pee stains on the toilet bowl. Plus my toilet floor miraculously remains wet despite being left to dry for 6 hours.
The landlady also has a very bad habit of coming into my room. Why and what for, I have no idea but I certainly hope she hasn't taken anything. Given her current financial state, she might have and I would be none the wiser considering that I do have quite a lot of stuff in my room. How I found out? I set a trap before leaving my room. I tied a little block of wood just behind my door and pull it close to the door when I leave. I have come home several times to discover that the string has been moved so that is how I know.
Allow me to move on to Part 4
#31 Renting Issues Part 2: Electricity
This is the second installment to a massive rant about my previous landlady.
As some may know, my rent covers utilities too. Plus I do have an air conditioner to use. So my landlady took this to her advantage.
She claimed my electricity consumption was in the high RM200+. Rubbish. I was on economy mode as to not raise the bill by too much. Air conditioner at night is a must considering that my room gets drenched when it rains. I ain't going to get up at 4am in the morning just to shut the windows when the landlady was too stupid to install some form of awning to prevent it from happening. Oh, there is no ceiling fan in my room either. She provided a stand fan which is as effective at blowing wind as an asthmatic mouse.
Despite having bold claims and all, she refused to offer any form of proof (electricity bill) to back up her claims. Plus she was quite clever as to quickly return from KL whenever the bill was coming then hide it before I could take a good look at it. So questioning her honesty and sincerely doubting that I was able to rack up such a bill despite air conditioner use, I took matters into my own hands and started reading her meter whenever the TNB fella showed up. This was done by observing when the bills appeared in my neighbors post box. As I used to handle the household bills for my family, I am quite family with the tiered rates. Based on my estimations, the bill never exceeded RM100.
Then in September and October, I was on electives and was not around. So happen that I returned the day the electricity bill came and she was not around to collect it before me, I discovered that she had used RM 67.90 by herself in a month. So in essence, my electricity bill was about RM30+!
After she told me to move out, I stopped being so conscious about the bill and attempted to shoot the bill up to her claimed RM200+. I am sad to say despite being a complete asshole, I was unable to even push it past RM120. This has led me to conclude that even when I am her worst nightmare, I am still unable to reach the claimed RM200+ she lied about.
This ends part 2.
As some may know, my rent covers utilities too. Plus I do have an air conditioner to use. So my landlady took this to her advantage.
She claimed my electricity consumption was in the high RM200+. Rubbish. I was on economy mode as to not raise the bill by too much. Air conditioner at night is a must considering that my room gets drenched when it rains. I ain't going to get up at 4am in the morning just to shut the windows when the landlady was too stupid to install some form of awning to prevent it from happening. Oh, there is no ceiling fan in my room either. She provided a stand fan which is as effective at blowing wind as an asthmatic mouse.
Despite having bold claims and all, she refused to offer any form of proof (electricity bill) to back up her claims. Plus she was quite clever as to quickly return from KL whenever the bill was coming then hide it before I could take a good look at it. So questioning her honesty and sincerely doubting that I was able to rack up such a bill despite air conditioner use, I took matters into my own hands and started reading her meter whenever the TNB fella showed up. This was done by observing when the bills appeared in my neighbors post box. As I used to handle the household bills for my family, I am quite family with the tiered rates. Based on my estimations, the bill never exceeded RM100.
Then in September and October, I was on electives and was not around. So happen that I returned the day the electricity bill came and she was not around to collect it before me, I discovered that she had used RM 67.90 by herself in a month. So in essence, my electricity bill was about RM30+!
After she told me to move out, I stopped being so conscious about the bill and attempted to shoot the bill up to her claimed RM200+. I am sad to say despite being a complete asshole, I was unable to even push it past RM120. This has led me to conclude that even when I am her worst nightmare, I am still unable to reach the claimed RM200+ she lied about.
This ends part 2.
#30 Renting Issues Part 1: Rent Collection & Deposit
Allow me to explain that the above series of post are regarding different issues faced all at the same time but are way too big each to be compressed into a single post. I just need to get it out of my system once and for all.
Before jumping to conclusions, this is not regarding my or my family's financial state. It is in fact about my previous landlady. In essence, this is just a rant and not intended to insult anyone but her. Should there be any similarities to anyone else's story, I shall not be held accountable. Once again, I repeat that this is solely about my troubles with my previous landlady.
As some may already know, I have moved to a new place with 3 other fellow batch mates. Moving itself posed a huge problem which will be covered in the above posts.
First of all, my landlady requested that I move out as she wanted to sell the house or her daughters may move back due to financial reasons. Saying this was alright with me but her next line which I deemed as completely irrelevant and unnecessary really ticked me off. She told me that if it was inconvenient to notify my mother, she will do it for me. Like hell it is inconvenient. What did she exactly attempt to imply in that statement?
She gave me 40 days notice which was sufficient.. actually more than sufficient considering I got the go signal the same day from my now housemates. They even bugged me to move in by the end of the month which was then 10 days away. It was possible to be honest but my parents had already paid December's rent 4 months ago.
To put things in perspective, my first 2 months rent was on time. 3rd month the landlady called and said she needed money so having a relative sizable amount in savings I paid rent early by myself without notifying my parents. Same went for the 4th month then came the 5th which she suddenly called and asked for 5 months rent in advance. I directed her to my parents which stupidly enough gave it to her for no apparent reason. This kept me locked in place when I had intended to leave 6 months after arriving as she was giving me quite a hard time living with her.
By the way, did I mention despite asking me to move out 40 days prior. She did not prepare the deposit hoping I would have forgotten about this. I reminded her 5 days before I was due to move out. She acted proud and arrogant claiming she did not forget about it and she would settle it with my mother. Of course she did, she hoped I'd be so busy moving I'd completely forget about it. Unfortunately, due to the amount of shit she gave me before I left, I am determined to retrieve it despite being told not to do so by my mother.
Back to the story, she called the next day to my mother whom in turn called me and scolded me for "harassing the landlady for the deposit". These are my exact words to the landlady, "Auntie, I still have one months deposit with you right?". Oh and did I also mention that the landlady said she would not return the deposit until I cleared my phone bill? Which did amount to about RM950 since I have neglected to pay for 8 months.
That story will be covered in one of the next few rants. Please proceed to part which interests you the most.
Before jumping to conclusions, this is not regarding my or my family's financial state. It is in fact about my previous landlady. In essence, this is just a rant and not intended to insult anyone but her. Should there be any similarities to anyone else's story, I shall not be held accountable. Once again, I repeat that this is solely about my troubles with my previous landlady.
As some may already know, I have moved to a new place with 3 other fellow batch mates. Moving itself posed a huge problem which will be covered in the above posts.
First of all, my landlady requested that I move out as she wanted to sell the house or her daughters may move back due to financial reasons. Saying this was alright with me but her next line which I deemed as completely irrelevant and unnecessary really ticked me off. She told me that if it was inconvenient to notify my mother, she will do it for me. Like hell it is inconvenient. What did she exactly attempt to imply in that statement?
She gave me 40 days notice which was sufficient.. actually more than sufficient considering I got the go signal the same day from my now housemates. They even bugged me to move in by the end of the month which was then 10 days away. It was possible to be honest but my parents had already paid December's rent 4 months ago.
To put things in perspective, my first 2 months rent was on time. 3rd month the landlady called and said she needed money so having a relative sizable amount in savings I paid rent early by myself without notifying my parents. Same went for the 4th month then came the 5th which she suddenly called and asked for 5 months rent in advance. I directed her to my parents which stupidly enough gave it to her for no apparent reason. This kept me locked in place when I had intended to leave 6 months after arriving as she was giving me quite a hard time living with her.
By the way, did I mention despite asking me to move out 40 days prior. She did not prepare the deposit hoping I would have forgotten about this. I reminded her 5 days before I was due to move out. She acted proud and arrogant claiming she did not forget about it and she would settle it with my mother. Of course she did, she hoped I'd be so busy moving I'd completely forget about it. Unfortunately, due to the amount of shit she gave me before I left, I am determined to retrieve it despite being told not to do so by my mother.
Back to the story, she called the next day to my mother whom in turn called me and scolded me for "harassing the landlady for the deposit". These are my exact words to the landlady, "Auntie, I still have one months deposit with you right?". Oh and did I also mention that the landlady said she would not return the deposit until I cleared my phone bill? Which did amount to about RM950 since I have neglected to pay for 8 months.
That story will be covered in one of the next few rants. Please proceed to part which interests you the most.
Tuesday, 13 December 2011
#29 Staying Connected
Last week my other half got me this (view image below)
It is awesome for classes but at the same time just as equally distracting. I spent a good half of last week customizing the bloody thing and I haven't gotten to the point where I can say that I am satisfied with it and leave it the way it is for the rest of the year.. Hmm.. not a very good term to use considering we only have about 3 more weeks left. So, till the end of next year.
App downloading has been ridiculous with and without wifi as the plan that the phone comes with is a 3GB plan with speed throttled to 128kbps should I exceed.. highly doubtful that will happen. It has been a week and I've only chewed through 300MB of it. As much as I'd love to spam downloading, I can't seem to make up the deficit. Some apps will not allow you to download via phone internet.. and those have huge files.
Plus I don't have facebook to eat away at my bandwidth slowly bit by bit. Surfing the net non-stop is not quite an option as explained in the paragraph below.
Then there is the battery life, it is appalling. I still have my trusty Nokia with me since I can't trust this thing to last me an entire day with heavy usage. Should it die on me, best have the backup lurking in the background. Well, not really lurking. I still use it a lot.. way too much perhaps.
I love Android, no questions there. I'd choose that OS over the iOS any given given Sunday. If you don't know what it means, please by all means go watch the movie. Wasn't the best but it is worth a watch. Loved it when I was younger, have yet to find the time to revisit to give you a review based on the 23 year old me as compared to the 16 year old me.
Any how, please forgive my leave of absence. I have been quite caught up with things and have yet to get any form of proper siesta for the past 2 months, weekends included.
One of the few things that has been hounding me the entire week is the realization that some things really do have to go. Even though we hang on tight to them, they really aren't doing much good to us and we are most certainly better off without it. Sometimes, all you need is a little nudge in the right direction.. or alternatively having it forcibly removed from your clutches.
Either way, the end result is the same. However, the latter may lead to a little bit of sulking/crying/whimpering like a little pooch/gnashing of teeth and so on so forth.
Last week has been a chaotic week, I have had a few things removed from my list of possessions and a few more in which the decision was made to get rid of it. In summary, it has been a week of 'changes'. More than there have been over the last 2 months.
However, as always things fall back into place sooner or later. Plus as an added bonus, I'm not really suffering from the effects of them. Perhaps it is due to my new policy of finding solutions as soon as the problems emerge instead of wallowing in self loathing and crying foul over a situation. Nothing is going to change. If you want to see a change, be the author of it. That way, you have control over the situation instead of allowing it to steer you into positions you have never heard of.
I feel that this new policy was brought on by my lack of time these days. I have to utilize the most efficient manner in dealing with situations as I no longer have the luxury of wasting too much time on them. Like they always say, "Get it over and done with". If it is not going to benefit you, it probably will end up harming you I say.
Another thing I noted is my necessity to have an objective for anything I do. Lack of it will ensure that exorbitant amounts of stress will ensue. This has made me relatively irritated when there is no clear cut objective in whatever it is I am doing. This applies to everything in the most literal sense. Whenever I do something, an objective must be present to justify it. Should the objective be unsatisfactory, the idea shall be scrapped until a good enough objective surface.
I am slowly stopping all those activities which I have found to be utterly useless and un-beneficial to my well being. Again, this applies to all. If it ain't going to help me, there is no point in doing it at all. It is just a waste of time of which luxury I do not possess. One may argue that blogging is a waste of time but then again, I am not writing for the readers. I am writing to blow off steam as I have found it progressively more difficult to express my feelings and concerns to human beings.
I have found it better to keep ones mouth shut and everything inside for no good comes out of talking about it. Some might argue that it may make me feel better, I'd give that to you but not sufficiently enough to justify talking about it. Think about all the time and effort wasted explaining it to someone, you're better off keeping it to yourself and lashing out at whatever pleases you. A few suggestions would be cutting yourself, cutting someone else, torturing animals, setting your house on fire, ramming into the back of the asshole that just cut you off, setting your friends on fire or the penultimate thing to do, just go kill yourself. I do not condone any of the above, they are just suggestions not orders. I shall not be held responsible for any social or physical harm that may come about from carrying out the above activities. That also includes incarceration.
Over the past 2 months, I have performed a little research on my own without notifying anyone. The research was "The response of other human beings when feelings or rants are expressed to them". I can quite confidently say that most of the time, you would get screwed. That is in the context of my thoughts that is. I find that whatever is going on in my head is best left in there to their devices. Expressing it has done me no good, only harm. Plus, like I always say "If no one really knows then no one will really care".
I think that is all for today. It is getting late and I have to go for my GP posting tomorrow morning at 9am. Shall continue where I left off when I get back.. or maybe when I finally get my evidence based medicine report to Prof Teng done.. We shall see. Till then.
Cheers,
meLvyn
Tuesday, 11 October 2011
#28 Poker Face
I am a shy person. It may not really show but I have a undying fear of meeting new people and talking to people I don't know. In defense, I put on a facade and act nonchalant about whatever is going on around me. Secretly, I am actually observing. Seeing all that revolves around me. Just because I don't say anything or do seemingly look as though I am preoccupied, chances are that I am actually paying attention.
This is the same reason I suck terribly at speaking in front of people. I may show that I am taking things easy but the turmoil that is building up inside of me kills me. I shake and shiver but do my best to hide it from the world. No one needs to know, I can't show weakness. I need to seem unfazed by whatever is going on around me.
Sometimes when someone says something to me, I don't appear bothered by it but if it is about something I am sensitive about. I go home and brood excessively about it. Only the gf knows about this kind of brooding considering that she is the only one I talk to about regarding the matter. I'm working to break this, I can't keep on doing this. I hate having to hide behind a wall to save myself.
Just that I have grown up being judged constantly by others. I'm not even safe from it at home. Well, to be fair it is much worse at home. Very same reason the bathroom is my safe haven. An unlikely place but it is the single one place that no one can touch me. It is not like my parents are going to barge in when I am halfway through my business. It is the one place where I can find peace even for just a little while. Just to get away from this torment.
This is the same reason I suck terribly at speaking in front of people. I may show that I am taking things easy but the turmoil that is building up inside of me kills me. I shake and shiver but do my best to hide it from the world. No one needs to know, I can't show weakness. I need to seem unfazed by whatever is going on around me.
Sometimes when someone says something to me, I don't appear bothered by it but if it is about something I am sensitive about. I go home and brood excessively about it. Only the gf knows about this kind of brooding considering that she is the only one I talk to about regarding the matter. I'm working to break this, I can't keep on doing this. I hate having to hide behind a wall to save myself.
Just that I have grown up being judged constantly by others. I'm not even safe from it at home. Well, to be fair it is much worse at home. Very same reason the bathroom is my safe haven. An unlikely place but it is the single one place that no one can touch me. It is not like my parents are going to barge in when I am halfway through my business. It is the one place where I can find peace even for just a little while. Just to get away from this torment.
Monday, 19 September 2011
#27 Id
My posts have been quite disorganized as of late. It really is not my style. I prefer writing things that are easy to read and understand instead of rampaging all over the place like a rodeo bull. Those were my thoughts lifted unadulterated from my mind. Hence, the reason why there are quite a fair few grammar mistakes every now and then. I'll be honest, I can barely keep up with my thought processes even after my medication. Previously, before going on my current concoction it was much worse. Imagine several thought process running simultaneously through ones head. Imagine how chaotic it was. However, surprisingly I feel that I wrote much better then. The new found clarity is seriously impairing my ability to write. I'd end up so focused on the idea of the post that I get carried away with my fingers typing away everything that came to mind. So, today I shall attempt to write a post that is both easy to understand and grammatically compliant.
Allow me to begin with a strong belief that both my parents hold close to their hearts. Coined by my father, he believes that the most aggressive person is the one who is poorest. I can see where he is coming from but I do not totally agree with that statement.
In my parents terms, poor is defined as the having little money. I completely disagree with that statement. One can be deficient in money but still be wealthy. Allow me to elaborate further. I sincerely do not believe that money is the be all end all. I will not argue about its importance nor will I argue that one can live without it. Money at the end of the day is what makes the world we live in go round. It is important but it is not the true definition of wealth.
I believe that wealth is defined as the quality of life of a person. The people that surround the person is what makes a person rich. Not money. Some may argue that money does buy you friends. I agree but what kind of friends are they getting oneself? We humans are suckers for free things because we do not have to work for it with our own blood, sweat and tears. So as long as the cash keeps flowing, there will be people swarming around one hoping for a free handout. The moment it is gone, they will scamper all back into the woods where they came from.
So to revise what my father has coined. I believe that the man with nothing left to live for is the most aggressive. I have seen first hand what can happen to a human being when their ego is suppressed and id takes over. For those who are unable to follow, please click here. This is Sigmund Freud's structural model of the psyche.
I have told many people that we are human before anything else. We are in essence animals but our developed minds prevent us from acting like one. So when one's ego has been shut out and id takes over, one will most definitely act like an animal and we all know that in the animal kingdom, laws do not exist.
This brings me to my statement. When a person has nothing left that he cares about, that is when he will go completely bonkers. He in essence becomes what I like to say a living zombie. Just waiting to meet his maker. People like this have the tendency to be huge risk takers even when the odds stacks up against their favor. What do they not dare to do? Considering that there is nothing left to lose. Might as well go all in and see what happens just for the sake of it. Reason is lost on people like these because quite frankly, they just don't give a shit no more.
These are the kind of people I am most afraid of. They are just simply unpredictable and are more than prepared to do just about anything, even when it is of no benefit to them. That is why I always used to say, when one has the ill intention of destroying another, please by all means leave at least one thing that the other person cares about. Laying waste to everything means certain doom to the instigator. Considering that chances the instigator will have something that he or she still cares about. The victim will come at the perpetrator with all that he has got and will stop at nothing until he has leveled the earth.
To end, the real reason for this post is because my mother has been constantly attempting to push me off the ledge. The only leverage they have on me now is my education. Should they take that away, I most likely will fall back to id and wreak havoc upon the earth. Let's hope that won't be taken from me then =p
Allow me to begin with a strong belief that both my parents hold close to their hearts. Coined by my father, he believes that the most aggressive person is the one who is poorest. I can see where he is coming from but I do not totally agree with that statement.
In my parents terms, poor is defined as the having little money. I completely disagree with that statement. One can be deficient in money but still be wealthy. Allow me to elaborate further. I sincerely do not believe that money is the be all end all. I will not argue about its importance nor will I argue that one can live without it. Money at the end of the day is what makes the world we live in go round. It is important but it is not the true definition of wealth.
I believe that wealth is defined as the quality of life of a person. The people that surround the person is what makes a person rich. Not money. Some may argue that money does buy you friends. I agree but what kind of friends are they getting oneself? We humans are suckers for free things because we do not have to work for it with our own blood, sweat and tears. So as long as the cash keeps flowing, there will be people swarming around one hoping for a free handout. The moment it is gone, they will scamper all back into the woods where they came from.
So to revise what my father has coined. I believe that the man with nothing left to live for is the most aggressive. I have seen first hand what can happen to a human being when their ego is suppressed and id takes over. For those who are unable to follow, please click here. This is Sigmund Freud's structural model of the psyche.
I have told many people that we are human before anything else. We are in essence animals but our developed minds prevent us from acting like one. So when one's ego has been shut out and id takes over, one will most definitely act like an animal and we all know that in the animal kingdom, laws do not exist.
This brings me to my statement. When a person has nothing left that he cares about, that is when he will go completely bonkers. He in essence becomes what I like to say a living zombie. Just waiting to meet his maker. People like this have the tendency to be huge risk takers even when the odds stacks up against their favor. What do they not dare to do? Considering that there is nothing left to lose. Might as well go all in and see what happens just for the sake of it. Reason is lost on people like these because quite frankly, they just don't give a shit no more.
These are the kind of people I am most afraid of. They are just simply unpredictable and are more than prepared to do just about anything, even when it is of no benefit to them. That is why I always used to say, when one has the ill intention of destroying another, please by all means leave at least one thing that the other person cares about. Laying waste to everything means certain doom to the instigator. Considering that chances the instigator will have something that he or she still cares about. The victim will come at the perpetrator with all that he has got and will stop at nothing until he has leveled the earth.
To end, the real reason for this post is because my mother has been constantly attempting to push me off the ledge. The only leverage they have on me now is my education. Should they take that away, I most likely will fall back to id and wreak havoc upon the earth. Let's hope that won't be taken from me then =p
Friday, 16 September 2011
#26 Broken Dreams
I laid waste to most, well actually all of my hopes and dreams. It dawned upon me that it is quite pointless to have them. Not that they bring any good, just misery and grief. I am alive, just waiting for my number to be called to meet my maker.
It may seem very pessimistic and depressing. It is not all bad to be honest. The burden that went with it is significant enough to justify the action taken. To be honest, it has worked out much better than I had imagined it to.
No longer bound by useless dreams, both long and short term ones. I do not need them and most certainly do not want them. I find that when they do not come true or take a while to come to fruition, I get frustrated and upset. So without them, I am in essence a much happier person. When no expectations are set, there can be no disappointment. Especially those that require reliance on another human being for it to come true.
Although it has just been a few days, I already am looking back and realizing how silly I was being manipulated so easily by my now broken dreams. It no longer matters what happens here on out. My only goal now is to graduate, that is all that is left.
When one has something that one cares about, one is bound to get hurt. Especially if that thing or person is out of your control. Why waste my effort worrying about things that are not within my control. Best to control what I can and make sure things go the way they are on my terms and at my own time. So goodbye my dear dreams, it was nice knowing you but now it is time to move on. So long, farewell, it is time to say goodbye.
It may seem very pessimistic and depressing. It is not all bad to be honest. The burden that went with it is significant enough to justify the action taken. To be honest, it has worked out much better than I had imagined it to.
No longer bound by useless dreams, both long and short term ones. I do not need them and most certainly do not want them. I find that when they do not come true or take a while to come to fruition, I get frustrated and upset. So without them, I am in essence a much happier person. When no expectations are set, there can be no disappointment. Especially those that require reliance on another human being for it to come true.
Although it has just been a few days, I already am looking back and realizing how silly I was being manipulated so easily by my now broken dreams. It no longer matters what happens here on out. My only goal now is to graduate, that is all that is left.
When one has something that one cares about, one is bound to get hurt. Especially if that thing or person is out of your control. Why waste my effort worrying about things that are not within my control. Best to control what I can and make sure things go the way they are on my terms and at my own time. So goodbye my dear dreams, it was nice knowing you but now it is time to move on. So long, farewell, it is time to say goodbye.
Friday, 9 September 2011
#25 Being Spoiled
The recent fact that my cousin gotten himself an iPhone 4 has come under quite a fair bit of flak from people I have talked about it too. My cousin also mentioned that he was going to get Astro B.yond with the PVR. According to him, he can record and rewind shows, yada yada yada.
With that said, I personally feel that he is being spoilt rotten. He refused to study despite being quite the bright kid. He is armed with the knowledge that his mother panics and gives him whatever he wants when he threatens not to study. I find that his mother is giving into him way too easily. The other thing that came up with I was talking to the gf about the matter was where will it stop?
Considering that he now knows how worried his mother is should he refuse to study, he is just going to use it over and over again to get whatever he wants. The next thing he wants would probably be an iPad 2, then a new laptop then a gaming rig then game consoles, so on so forth.
This situation made me see something I had never saw before. I realise that I too am quite spoiled by my parents. I have had just about anything I have ever asked for, even when they were dead broke they still would get me a toy that I wanted. They were willing to spend vast amounts of resources to make me happy. I really appreciate that on their part. So now to make things right for once, I stopped being so demanding with them. I know very well that if I make enough noise, I could have the phone I want (note: want) by this weekend but I think I will pass on that.
Perhaps it is because I am the only child and my parents can focus their attention solely on me and are more than willing to give me what I want. This cannot go on. I had realized that I have this problem quite a while back but chose to ignore it because as we all know, it is nice to get what we want. Now, I think it is time to change for the better and stop giving my parents so much trouble in obtaining something that I want that is completely unnecessary.
I just did a brief review of my life so far, literally as I am typing this post. I am very fortunate. Things I need are all catered for. It is time to stop being so demanding and cherish what I have instead of focusing on what I do not. Life will be better should I have a more positive outlook on life =)
With that said, I personally feel that he is being spoilt rotten. He refused to study despite being quite the bright kid. He is armed with the knowledge that his mother panics and gives him whatever he wants when he threatens not to study. I find that his mother is giving into him way too easily. The other thing that came up with I was talking to the gf about the matter was where will it stop?
Considering that he now knows how worried his mother is should he refuse to study, he is just going to use it over and over again to get whatever he wants. The next thing he wants would probably be an iPad 2, then a new laptop then a gaming rig then game consoles, so on so forth.
This situation made me see something I had never saw before. I realise that I too am quite spoiled by my parents. I have had just about anything I have ever asked for, even when they were dead broke they still would get me a toy that I wanted. They were willing to spend vast amounts of resources to make me happy. I really appreciate that on their part. So now to make things right for once, I stopped being so demanding with them. I know very well that if I make enough noise, I could have the phone I want (note: want) by this weekend but I think I will pass on that.
Perhaps it is because I am the only child and my parents can focus their attention solely on me and are more than willing to give me what I want. This cannot go on. I had realized that I have this problem quite a while back but chose to ignore it because as we all know, it is nice to get what we want. Now, I think it is time to change for the better and stop giving my parents so much trouble in obtaining something that I want that is completely unnecessary.
I just did a brief review of my life so far, literally as I am typing this post. I am very fortunate. Things I need are all catered for. It is time to stop being so demanding and cherish what I have instead of focusing on what I do not. Life will be better should I have a more positive outlook on life =)
Thursday, 8 September 2011
#24 Purgatory
First and foremost, my money is on that I will not be able to get a smartphone. My savings have just about run dry due to the lack of an allowance for the past 2 months. Based on what has just happened with my cousin getting the iPhone 4, my parents now have the perception that a smartphone is a toy and not a tool as I would have most likely used it.
I love my games but mobile gaming never really caught on with me. Same goes for console gaming. I still prefer the old school mouse and keyboard combination over any other form of gaming. The only game I play on my phone is solitaire and well to be honest, the only game I got.
So with my cousin buying a very expensive toy, I seriously have doubts that my parents will fork out dough to get me one too. In their eyes, it is just another expensive toy instead of a useful tool in terms of studying. I admit, I don't really need it but it will be nice to have..
Actually to dissect the situation even further. I just don't like seeing the scales tipped on me. I like the idea of being able to get it should I make the decision to actually get one. Speaking of which, the decision has not been made yet so I'll take it easy and see if the need really arises for that expensive piece of potential junk in two years time.
This brings me to the real objective of this post. For once in a while, there is a reason for posting as compared to my incessant spamming of posts just to rant. So here goes.
It is in my very nature to not like options taken away from me. I like my doors wide open and possibilities endless. So there is a tendency of resentment and dejection the moment a door slams shut in my face. I would love to write about how annoyed I am at my cousin but that is not important. I'll have to live with it regardless of how much I rant considering that the damage has already been done.
I am as good at making decisions as Shaq is at sinking free throws. I am always indecisive and have the horrible habit of sitting on the fence until a bushfire obliterates one field and I am left with only the other. Allow me to give you an example, my other half dreads having to ask me what to have for dinner when we are together. She'd more than often end up straight back at square minus a gazillion as I'd most probably ask her what she wants instead.
I was talking to my therapist today and he pointed out that I should have an objective for the visits to him as the overall cognitive behavioral therapy 10 course meal has been completed and I should start focusing on things I would like to improve on. So here it is. One of my biggest and foulest frustrations. INDECISION.
I really need to start taking charge of my life and directing it to where I want it to head. I can't always go on like this or I'd end up in limbo forever. That is my goal for this week, to get rid of that stinking habit once and for all.
I love my games but mobile gaming never really caught on with me. Same goes for console gaming. I still prefer the old school mouse and keyboard combination over any other form of gaming. The only game I play on my phone is solitaire and well to be honest, the only game I got.
So with my cousin buying a very expensive toy, I seriously have doubts that my parents will fork out dough to get me one too. In their eyes, it is just another expensive toy instead of a useful tool in terms of studying. I admit, I don't really need it but it will be nice to have..
Actually to dissect the situation even further. I just don't like seeing the scales tipped on me. I like the idea of being able to get it should I make the decision to actually get one. Speaking of which, the decision has not been made yet so I'll take it easy and see if the need really arises for that expensive piece of potential junk in two years time.
This brings me to the real objective of this post. For once in a while, there is a reason for posting as compared to my incessant spamming of posts just to rant. So here goes.
It is in my very nature to not like options taken away from me. I like my doors wide open and possibilities endless. So there is a tendency of resentment and dejection the moment a door slams shut in my face. I would love to write about how annoyed I am at my cousin but that is not important. I'll have to live with it regardless of how much I rant considering that the damage has already been done.
I am as good at making decisions as Shaq is at sinking free throws. I am always indecisive and have the horrible habit of sitting on the fence until a bushfire obliterates one field and I am left with only the other. Allow me to give you an example, my other half dreads having to ask me what to have for dinner when we are together. She'd more than often end up straight back at square minus a gazillion as I'd most probably ask her what she wants instead.
I was talking to my therapist today and he pointed out that I should have an objective for the visits to him as the overall cognitive behavioral therapy 10 course meal has been completed and I should start focusing on things I would like to improve on. So here it is. One of my biggest and foulest frustrations. INDECISION.
I really need to start taking charge of my life and directing it to where I want it to head. I can't always go on like this or I'd end up in limbo forever. That is my goal for this week, to get rid of that stinking habit once and for all.
Tuesday, 6 September 2011
#23 Smartphone Dilemma
A couple of months back, I one day woke up and decided that I needed a smartphone. I notified my parents and they told me to go get one but I refused to. I don't want to waste studying time trying to figure out a new phone just before my exams. So I told them that I'd wait till post exam to get one.
Now then, exams are over and I was so enthusiastic about getting a smartphone but then family drama has superceded that issue. Now things at home are much more smoother and the family drama has finally come to an end, I can finally ponder upon whether it is necessary to obtain a machine that is pricier than a laptop.
I was just discussing with my other half about it. If I really needed it that badly, I could just get one on a plan and get the phone for free but I am refusing to settle for any less than a high end model. Namely the Samsung Galaxy S2 or the iPhone 4. They are both over RM 2k and are nifty little gadgets.
So question is, do I really need one and what will I actually use it for? I don't feel that I need one. I have lived without one for 23 years of my life, nothing has changed. I am currently using a Nokia E66, second hand from my other half as she got herself a BlackBerry. I don't use Facebook or YouTube much either. Plus, as much as I love the internet, I am not addicted to it per se. I can live without it for as much as 4 days and not really crave for it as proven when I went to Penang without my laptop.
So the thinking will continue. I got something else to write about but I will leave that for later.
Now then, exams are over and I was so enthusiastic about getting a smartphone but then family drama has superceded that issue. Now things at home are much more smoother and the family drama has finally come to an end, I can finally ponder upon whether it is necessary to obtain a machine that is pricier than a laptop.
I was just discussing with my other half about it. If I really needed it that badly, I could just get one on a plan and get the phone for free but I am refusing to settle for any less than a high end model. Namely the Samsung Galaxy S2 or the iPhone 4. They are both over RM 2k and are nifty little gadgets.
So question is, do I really need one and what will I actually use it for? I don't feel that I need one. I have lived without one for 23 years of my life, nothing has changed. I am currently using a Nokia E66, second hand from my other half as she got herself a BlackBerry. I don't use Facebook or YouTube much either. Plus, as much as I love the internet, I am not addicted to it per se. I can live without it for as much as 4 days and not really crave for it as proven when I went to Penang without my laptop.
So the thinking will continue. I got something else to write about but I will leave that for later.
Thursday, 1 September 2011
#22 Against All Odds
As some may already know by now that my previous exam was flunked twice by yours truly. This lead to a 6 month long appeal process that finally allowed me back into uni to retake this exam one last time. According to my mother and her sources. Failing the first time is relatively common and easy to bounce back and pass it the first time one is repeating. The second time however, is a completely different story. Not many managed to survive the exam. More than ever, they flunk out and become medical school dropouts.
Fortunately for me however, I managed to survive this exam. Not even hitting borderline for that matter. I don't know how much over the passing line I happened to be but as far as I know, it was a clear pass. I have not been issued a mini warning telling one to buck up should it be just on the line.
We shall see how it goes but I am eternally grateful for making my very last shot count. All is well in my world =)
Will blog about Penang soon enough =)
Fortunately for me however, I managed to survive this exam. Not even hitting borderline for that matter. I don't know how much over the passing line I happened to be but as far as I know, it was a clear pass. I have not been issued a mini warning telling one to buck up should it be just on the line.
We shall see how it goes but I am eternally grateful for making my very last shot count. All is well in my world =)
Will blog about Penang soon enough =)
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