Lampe Berger still lives? WTF??

I have been brought up my entire life watching my parents make ends meet.. financially that is. That was up to last year when their idea of making ends meet changed... nowadays its to get their work done ASAP to stop all the phone calls from customers asking them whether their uniforms are done or to place more orders which later on leads to them calling to bug mum, a vicious cycle.

With that said, I never believed and still do not believe that money comes easy. You either work your arse off or inherit millions from a grandfather you never knew. Simple as that.

Recently... well not really recently. It is just recently that a cousin of mine approached my parents to borrow some money for that Lampe Berger (is that how you spell it?) or whatever it is scam. Mind you, she doesn't come from a wealthy family. She came and explained what that shit is in detail as my parents listened to the wind blow. Apparently if you pay 30 grand, you get to become some manager and earn tons in commission or something. Rubbish. She had the audacity to claim that she could pay my parents back in a few short months. As if.. What are you going to do? In a few months, you're going to be shitting gold eggs?

My parents were feeling a little playful, so they played her around a bit in attempt to wake her up from her delusional mindset. Needless to say, they failed miserably. When they finally gave her the big N O. She left in a huff and every time she had to stop by the shop with her mother, she'd have the sour puss face.

Haha. Let her be in her delusional world. She has already racked up quite a lot in debt. Apparently, she went on a god-knows-what spending spree and racked up 10 grand in credit card bills, of which the money her family does not have. So good luck and have fun =)

Oh come on, don't be so bloody naive. With 10 g's I can buy all the "mandatory" gundams I want and the optional ones too. Oh yes, my housemate infected me with gundam plastic model building. LoL. Pictures of my very first gundam built with ms. gf will be up soon, followed by the other 4 I bought over the past month.

Back to point, this brings me to the main part of this post. Approximately 4 years ago, an acquaintance of mine asked me out for lunch and attempted in much desperation to infect me with Lampe Berger. That ain't the best part yet, nope, not by a very long mile. The stories she told me were just plain ludicrous. Here they are:-

Bold Claim #1
Lampe berger can cure illnesses! They even use it in hospitals in Singapore!

Logical Reasoning #1
In hospitals, they have something called air filters (if they have money to spend on rubbish like Lampe Berger, I'm pretty sure HEPA filters are installed too. Here's the link http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/HEPA ). Well, assuming your claims are true... Where the hell would they use it? Palliative wards!? Hmm.. maybe, Psychiatric Wards.

Captain Stupid Quote #1
"Yes, I'll have haloperidol on the rocks thank you very much.


Bold Claim #2
I used to have asthma because I smoke and after I put Lampe Berger in the car, I don't have asthma anymore!

Logical Reasoning #2
That's because you have COPD you nimwit. ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/COPD )

Captain Stupid Quote #2
"Ohhhhh.... I'll take 10000000000000000 bottles of that then! And while you're at it, can I have one serving of lung cancer too?"


Now look where is she now? She went on drugs, nearly dropped out of school and now is studying mass comm in I**T (go figure, I don't want my arse sued). Oh God... why do I keep meeting f-ed up people like her?

Anyhow, I shall be updating my blog a little more frequently (hopefully). I've got quite a lot of stories to tell about the people I've met in my life so far. You'll see. Stay tuned.

Cheers.

Before I forget.. I thought Lampe Bergers lamp was snuffed out years ago.. I was wrong.. Oh so very wrong..

Carpe diem

When I was younger, things were a whole lot simpler. I never had to wonder where to eat, what to eat, what to do when I was free, how I was going to pay any bills, what I said, what I was going to wear and so on so forth. As I grew, so did the responsibility bestowed upon me. I have things to worry about now. What to wear today, what I said, how I deal with people, what's for dinner, when I have to do my own laundry, how I managed my time and the lot. Even so, I still don't really have to worry about money. Being sponsored by my parents give me the luxury of a seemingly unlimited resource, this made me wonder how on earth was I going to deal with all that responsibility when I finally start working and living independently.

Today, I was a little harsh on miss gf. I do wonder how she is feeling right now but a certain remark I made to her made her respond with "that hurts" and "makes us feel so 'apart' and seperated". She once mentioned that whatever one has to say, one can say it nicely and make it sound less offensive while getting the point across. That is a skill I have yet to learn. I tend to be relatively blunt about things, I rarely take how other people feel into consideration and well.. this ended up in someone I love getting hurt. To people I couldn't give more or less of a damn about, I couldn't care less if they got hurt but her, its a whole different story. She fell asleep halfway talking to me, I guess she must be exhausted. I wish I could apologize and make it up to her right now but its a little too late for that. What has been done cannot be undone. All that has been said and done is already the past. I certainly do hope she is alright.

I sit here writing something she may not read till much later not as a public apology. It is more of a regretful part of me then again, it is also too late for that. Time is not something you can regain, I'll just have to listen to an advice given by my boarding house warden years ago. A simple, old age advice.. Carpe diem, an old latin saying adapted from a poem which translates into "Seize the day". I really have to buck up and start seizing my days, those that are to come. I've been wasting my time so much that I have forgotten how it is to work hard. Time to stop slacking and get going =/

Anyhow, here is the poem in latin.

Tu ne quaesieris by Horace

Tu ne quaesieris, scire nefas, quem mihi, quem tibi
finem di dederint, Leuconoe, nec Babylonios
temptaris numeros. ut melius, quidquid erit, pati.
seu pluris hiemes seu tribuit Iuppiter ultimam,
quae nunc oppositis debilitat pumicibus mare
Tyrrhenum: sapias, vina liques et spatio brevi
spem longam reseces. dum loquimur, fugerit invida
aetas: carpe diem quam minimum credula postero.

Which translates into,

Don't ask (it's forbidden to know) what final fate the gods have
what end the gods will give me or you, Leuconoe.
Don't play with Babylonian fortune-telling either.
It is better to endure whatever will be.
Whether Jupiter has allotted to you many more winters or this final one
which even now wears out the Tyrrhenian sea on the rocks placed opposite
— be smart, drink your wine.
Scale back your long hopes to a short period.
While we speak, envious time will have {already} fled.
Seize the day and place no trust in tomorrow.


"Seize the day and place no trust in tomorrow"
Good quote.. Time to remember it.

What's on my mind..

Just a couple of hours ago I was about to axe this blog. It is a blog filled with certain memories that I cherish and somewhat a diary of my progress from the time it started till now. However, I have been negligent.. I have failed in some respects to keep it updated diligently. This blog has served me well over the year and it is time to either axe it or alternatively continue writing things that were less depressing.

To those who like this blog or are readers, I thank you for reading and you have the gf for changing my mind about deleting it completely. To those who don't.. well, you won't see this anyway. Not like you are reading if you dislike it =p

Anyhow, there have been some things I have been meaning to blog about with the massive recent influx of events. I just have not gotten around to it. My usual excuse that is, shall no longer be acceptable from now on. Instead of gaming or watching my spare time away, I shall start devoting more time to making this blog a little more meaningful.

So for now, please bear with the horrid layout and background. Till I get myself updated on HTML coding, it will have to do. That ghastly backdrop will have to go too. Might as well put my expensive desktop to good use. Speaking of expensive, I just recently added 3 more hard drives to the lot because I ran out of space =p

Well... the total amount stands at 2.75 TB for the moment with roughly 1.3 TB filled. I first cannibalized my old desktop for the 250GB (PATA) hard drive I bought years ago (RM 400 odd then... O_O) that brought my total space to 1.25 TB. Still that was not enough, the amounts of stuff that was accumulating was ridiculous so I went out and got a new SATA 500GB for I am pretty broke but yet needed the space... which in its short life of 6 weeks has 158GB left... considering that I am now running out of SATA slots to plug it into, I decided to go all out and ask dad for some dough to buy another hard drive for my desktop and one for the gf.

Her Macbook had 150GB to begin with and since I did need a portable external I decided to get her a 500GB hard drive to play with and take the 320GB external she had and put the original 150GB into a case and let her use it as her external hard drive... For the desktop, I got myself a TB hard drive.. yep.. that brings the total to 2.75TB, I have yet to pop the cherry of the new drive... Tonight.. shall be the night I shall transfer 400GB worth of anime and TV series... My poor lil' desktop.. lol.. packed with 5 hard drives.. another one is coming soon.. possibly within the next 6 months =p

anyhow, that's just a minor update that came to mind. I still love my gf and my housemates XD

To "Ah Tig" and "Ah Beng", I believe that we are all SST (Sot Sot Tei) =p
To the gf, I love you =)

I Hope You See Where I Am Coming From

Had I the heavens’ embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams

W.B. Yeats (1865–1939)
"He Wishes For the Cloths of Heaven"

Don't be so narcissistic..

Don't be so narcissistic you fool. You seem to think the world revolves around you, well it doesn't. People don't care as much about you as you may think they do. Just get over yourself for once and see things as they are. You don't have to think the worst of everyone and the best of yourself. As much as you have claimed that you don't do so, the very simple fact is that you do.

Things can indeed be better if you are just willing to look out of your tiny little shell and for once think of others instead of yourself. However, you still choose not to. Despite numerous attempts at getting you to see, you still refuse to. You want to sit in your small little well and bitch about the world. Can you just for just one second, sit down and think it through? Life is a bitch, get used to it or get out of it. Stop complaining and just accept things you simply cannot change, then go change the things you can instead of watching and wallowing in self pity like you do.

You have been a good friend to me over the years and I am indebted to you for that matter. So I for one will not have any part in this whittling of your life away. For this alone, you are on your own. Anything else, you know where to find me and the rest of us who have grown old and weary of your shit.

I'm out.
Another post should be coming along once I get back from fixing my car keys. Cheers.

Mass Comm FAIL

Warning: Personal views ahead

Don't say I didn't warn you.

We were having a little discussion about Mass Comm courses. It seems that quite a number of people agree with me that it is quite a crappy course to begin with. According to one of my friends, Mass Comm is done by people who don't have any goals in life and just don't know what to do. All they know is that they have to get a degree or diploma of some sort to survive in the world today.

Personally, I made it a point to never get together with a girl who studies Mass Comm. Yes, the popular belief is that Mass Comm females are relatively pleasing to look at. That I would give to you. However, as much as I'd love a steaming hot partner, at the same time I'd like her to have some degree of intellect and intelligence.

I'm not saying that all Mass Comm students are complete nimwits but the majority of nimwits tend to be found there. Nimwits can even be found in med school, something I didn't expect to discover but unfortunately that is the case.

Now back to the original post. The one thing that really makes me cry from laughing out loud way too much is when someone manages to fail a subject in Mass Comm. My goodness, exactly how dumb do you have to be? This includes all Mass Comm subjects; Marketing Communications, whatever Communications, I-am-an-idiot Communications... whatever it is. Don't know, don't want to know and don't quite care.

The origin of this post is mainly from a couple of old school friends of mine who ended up doing Mass Comm, telling me how "awesome" the course is and how hard the subjects are. Uhhh.. Earth to these guys, you fail beyond epic proportions. How the hell do you exactly fail it? Its not like its the hardest course on earth. You should very well be getting straight B's at the very least. Sheesh...

Discussing with the gf the other day made me laugh even harder. Since she has a business degree from Murdoch Uni, she sort of understands the contents of the Mass Comm subjects.. Boy did we laugh hard =p

Sounds mean but oh well.. sucks to be you for choosing mass comm ;)

P.s. You can't spell Mass Comm without ass.. that's how much of an ass you are for doing that acursed course.

Cars

As some may know, I'm using Mum's new car which is a Proton Persona for the time being to run it in for her. Knowing her impatience, she probably rev the car till it overheats and get so many scratches on it that we may think it was 20 years old.

To be quite frank, I decided to hate this car from day one... Why? Its a Po-tong... go figure. However, after about 4 months of driving it.. I have to say, I've grown quite attached to it. I quite like it to be frank. I don't even mind the metallic rasping engine at 6,000 rpm. Ride quality is quite good until you reach about 140 km/h when it starts to get a bit choppy but then again, it doesn't feel like its about to take off and fly you to Timbuktu like some cars that I've driven before. Power wise, it is actually quite good although the gearbox seems to let it down a bit.

I was handed the keys to Mr. K's Mercedes S class a couple of weeks ago to get Mr S and I home as we hadn't driven to uni that day. Well... I personally do believe that it would have been faster to just walk home. To figure out how to drive that car and get home took us about 40 odd minutes in comparison to walking which would take 30 minutes or so.

Let me give you the breakdown. 5 minutes to start the car, 5 minutes to figure out how his parking brake works, 10 minutes to figure out how to open his retractable side mirros, 5 minutes to call him and ask how to open his retractable side mirrors, 5 minutes to turn the car around, 5 minutes to maneuver his car out of uni's parking lot, 5 minutes to get home, 5 minutes to park the car into his parking slot.
It was so fun that it felt as if I was learning how to drive again.. Sheesh..

Anyways, the real thing I wanted to blog about today is about Myvi drivers.. Apparently, I'm not the only one who thinks this way... So here it is.. Myvi drivers, in general, majority or whatever you wanna say can't drive properly even if their lives depended on it. Considering that one Myvi swung wide on an easy left hander straight into Ms. Gf's car, clipping the front left causing her to lose control and hit the rear right into a divider before the car stopped horizontal on the NSE.

Next thing I just cannot stand about them is that they seem to think they have 900 BHP. They rev and rev to glory, tailgate you and refuse to give way even if you tail them to kingdom come. It is a known fact that a Myvi is capable of going up to 180 km/h, youtube it if you doubt my claims. However, the clouds start opening up a bright light shines through and you see your deceased grandmother smiling at you with her arms wide open even when its nighttime, the moment you hit 130 km/h in that car.

Armed with that in mind, I've started to pay attention to Myvi's on the road. Unfortunately, I have to agree with the masses that Myvi's or more like the blob of flesh in the drivers seat cannot drive properly at all. Just pay attention, specifically white coloured ones. You think you own a Type R? Think again little fella.

Both Mr. K and I are pretty heavy footed drivers. I think Mr. K does that just because his car can do 220 km/h and as for me, I just hate driving so much that I want to get out of the vehicle as soon as I possibly can. Whenever we travel back and forth from home to Seremban we have a tendency to look out for cute little Myvi's to bully. Driving in circles around them, allowing them to tail you for a bit, let them keep up before flooring the gas pedal, overtaking them from the left and cut srtraight in front of their precious modified cars. Ahhh.. the joys of driving.

Mr. K and I have the same idea about cruising speeds, we tend to cruise at about 140 -150 km/h mainly to keep us from falling asleep yet at the same time keep us alive in the event of a full fledged argument with the car in front.

Sighh.. Actually this post was to keep my mind off the car that I'm most likely to get. A car of my own, my name, my birth date as the car plate, my favorite phrase.. I should be very well excited but instead I feel pretty depressed. I don't really want it. I don't really need it. There is no place at all in my heart for it. Still, I can't do much about it. My parents are adamant in getting another car and since the Persona is not really mine, I have to give it back. I sure will miss it. It has been a really good car to me over the past 4 months. I don't know why, I have the same feeling I had when dad was considering selling the Corolla (which is now in gold O_O). I know for a fact that the new car won't drive anywhere as nicely as the Persona.. Sighh.. oh well..

Anyhow, there should be a few more posts coming up. I haven't blogged in a while and in that span of time quite a few... no wait.. a lot of things have happened. I've just been way too lazy to write about them =p

anyways, till then.
stay updated.
Cheers.

=)

The chains you made for me, you ended up trapped in them yourself..
The torment that you had meant for me, you endured..
The chains you now wear, set me free..

I am grateful for what happened. As you had unknowingly took the punishment in my place, though that was not what you had intended it to be.

So, enjoy the fruits of your labor =)

I have nothing else to say.

Photoshop Pros

Quite the opposite of the title. I'm not here to discuss the awesome skillz of people who use PhotoShop or professionals who use PhotoShop to put food on their plates. I shall be discussing people who think they are awesome at PhotoShop. Note: THINK

A friend and I were discussing this issue as we found quite a lot of people putting up their pathetic photos that they claimed to be PhotoShop-ed. More than often these people have a self inflated ego of themselves and they gloat about how good they are at PhotoShop. Well.. both my friend and I would like to send people like this a wake up call... You Suck.

One more very interesting thing we noticed is that it is girls who tend to claim they are good at PhotoShop whilst putting up photos that in our personal opinion is so good that it could very well impress a hobo.

My goodness.. Some of the work is absolutely horrible. Watermarks, some words here and there, give yourself a PhotoShop makeover, remove some pimples, make collages.. Yup, I bet we could find a drunk chimpanzee who could do a better job.

The one that I give the most flak to are collages.. It is an utter waste of PhotoShop.. The same quality piece of shit that is being produced.. Wait.. That's doing injustice to feces. I would even hesitate to call it an abomination.. or even an it. I hope that they realise that most slightly tech savvy and those who lack the bimbo gene would be able to create an art gallery worthy piece by using Microsoft Word.

Watermarks are amongst my favorites. Well.. Just to let you know. The watermarks you so painstakingly put up can be removed in 30 minutes flat.. using Microsoft Paint. Then again, we wouldn't want those hideous picture in the first place so this paragraph is quite redundant. Wait.. Actually we may want them. To laugh at them but then we would keep the watermark.. so to show which bimbo created them.

Speaking of ugly pictures... Something Ms. Gf and I have discussed about between us and a couple of friends.. You know how some girls have a specific pose whenever they take pictures? Pay attention, I'm quite sure you can find a lot of them on Facebook. If you can't, let me know. I have a whole stack of them lying in my list of friends. I have a few off the top off my mind, they have great entertainment value. I could spend hours laughing at them =p
That specific pose.. it is used for many reasons.. of the few, its because they look better from that angle, they look thinner, they don't look so chubby and so on so forth. We get it already, you got the looks that only your gin-soaked momma could love.

Really.. I find it an absolute waste of a magnificent program when it is made to do rubbish like that. PhotoShop is probably sobbing quietly to itself as you make another collage or remove the surface of Mars off your face. Get over yourself.. Sheesh...

On A Tightrope

You know situations where they make you choose between two evils? To do the right thing or do what is in your best interest? To choose between losing an arm or a leg? To choose between pepsi or coke? To be or not to be..? Okay.. that's enough. You get the drift.

How do you choose between two people that you hold dear? Sitting on the fence just doesn't cut it these days. It's like some douchebag asking for half coke and the other half diet coke.

Two people very close to me literally had an argument about 5 hours ago. The topic at hand shall not be discussed. It is best kept between them two rather than telling the entire world about what had happened. Don't bother asking what it was about, it shall be not spoken of again.

Both of them had very differing ideas on how the matter should have been handled. Let me give you an overview of what happened to the best of my abilities.

I shall refer to the first person as A. A has very valid reasons for whatever A does. Even if A's actions may seem extreme to most people. It is A's personal reasons in the end. I respect A for being able to be this strong willed.

The second person, I shall refer to as B. B dislikes what A did. B claims that whatever "excuses" that B gives is B trying to justify the fact that B is not guilty over what B had done.

There is also one more person involved. C. B talked to C about the matter and I later talked to C to find out what was B's take on this as B would not talk to me about it. Before I carry on any further, I am not taking sides on the matter as I both agree and disagree with both A and B. It is just a difference in point of view which both A and B fail to see from each others perspective.

This is where I really come in. The squabble they have is really none of my business and it is for the both of them to sort out themselves. The squabble I shall not have any part in, partially because I could not really care any less about it and mainly because I'm truly disappointed with the both of them. Both of them are very intelligent people whom I really respect and have high expectations of. Neither of them could live up to it. Maybe it is just me, setting my expectations far too high for these two. *sarcastic laugh* I don't know what to expect anymore, maybe just expect for them to surprise me even more.

I know that both of you have a certain sense of pride in you. Perhaps it is all that intelligence that is hindering both of you from stepping into each others shoes and see it from each others perspective before acting the way you do.

Enough with those two. I'm sick of writing about them. I've said my part. My final words to you two would be, "A little bit of humility never killed anyone".

Which brings me to C, I am thoroughly insulted by what you have said. Unfortunately for you, I see right through you words. Wordplay does not work with me. Saying your piece followed by the ever classical ending of humility (i.e. ending with "I don't know everything"). Its just a more suttle way of saying "What I say is the truth bitch, deal with it". This is also your downfall, my respect for you has plummeted. You tread into unfamiliar territory, a territory which I happen to be well versed in. You believe that you know a lot but the truth is you do not know anything. I know you are an outspoken person and I respect you for that. However, insulting my future profession... How dare you?

Sigh.. I'm sick of writing this post. Sick of remembering all those hurtful words C had to say. I've had enough.

Chomp Chomp Chomp.... uh boy..

Its seven in the morning and I haven't gotten any sleep. Tears to tiara seems to be the culprit. Courtesy of my adorable penguin of a housemate who keeps downloading all these anime on the house computer i.e. MINE! its mine i tell you! back off!!! LoL..

Coming to think of it.. My computer never really gets turned off. Restarted yes but turned off for any more than 5 minutes and you hear one of my 2 fellow housemates asking why can't they access uTorrent via webUI which allows them to add torrents for downloading remotely i.e. their own computers but most importantly, keeps them outta my room. LoL. If its not that, they would start asking why they can't access any movies or TV series off BlackBitch. Yes, I call mua comp z blackbitch. Why?

Well... here goes, the motherboard is black, the graphics card is black,the RAM is black,the DVD drive is black,the monitor is black,the mouse is black, the keyboard is black, the webcam is black,the sound card is black, the speakers are black, even the case is black... there you go. Satisfied?

Anyhow, we realize that BlackBitch contributes a fair chunk to our RM 180 electricity bill yet we just can't seem to turn it off. The downloads just keep pouring in. Penguin will have tons of anime to download and the man we never listen to has his Entourage to download and various different TV series available at his disposal. Well... You see, BlackBitch has her moods. She occasionally throws tantrums and decides to overheat, freezing everything on screen. Even with 9 fans, the side panel removed and a table fan blowing into her, she is not please. Grrr...

Speaking of house computer, I was in Internal Medicine for my last posting which made me ridiculously busy... busy going for class and busy skipping class for that matter. So, every time I got home, it would either be the penguin playing DoTA or the man we never listen to playing GRID. My tiny room in Seremban has turned into an entertainment hub.. all we're missing right now is probably a 40" LCD TV that comes with a PS3 and a sofa bed. Yup.. thats what we need. If dad is true to his word, they shall all fall into place ^^v

The gf and I are still going strong. Its already past the 100 day mark and so far, we show no signs of faltering. I certainly hope this uphill trend continues till the day I meet my maker.. Which shouldn't be too far away at the rate I'm smoking my life away. Nom nom..

This is just a random post. Can't seem to get to sleep now. Ughh... shall try to sedate myself with some Cordon Bleu (HA! in your face satria driving rat's worst nightmare =p)

There are quite a bit of internal jokes here which I shall someday get to telling you about.. which is never =p given that I'm lazier than your average household cat. Anyways, toodles. Going to make myself happy by playing with the gf's little toy poodle. Hehe..

Random Quote
"Furthermore, I would like you to put on this dress and bonnet. Here is a unicycle, you will RIDE it wherever you go. You shall don these clown boots and refer to yourself as Mary. I have altered the deal, pray I don't alter it any further"
Darth "Robot Chicken" Vader

3 Months

3 months is the time it takes...
For your phone service to be disconnected after the expiry date
For the cops to come after you if you haven't paid your summons
For the engine oil to be changed
For your first salary in the government service to be paid to you
For Telekom Malaysia to disconnect your internet service if it was overdue

For me personally, its parole period I set for relationships to either make or break.

By the time 3 months is up I'd either stick by my girlfriends of leave them lying face down in a ditch. I sort of realized that trend by my x number of girlfriends. Some make it all the way to 90 days, some barely made the third.

As to the current relationship, it is still as strong as ever. However, I've been having my customary "doubting Thomas" moments.

I know that it takes 3 months when I either start getting bored or alternatively sick of a girlfriend. I also know that after 3 months, I would open the floodgates and love her to the best of my ability. In doing so, I'd forgive any mistake she can possibly make. To the extent of having her whoring herself for money or just entertainment.

As my current relationship approaches the 3 month mark which incidentally happens to be tomorrow, I start getting restless. It helps that she is 90kms away from me at the moment because I know for a fact that I'd find any possible reason to leave, as unreasonable the excuse may be.

To date only 2 females have ever managed to do that. One was suppressed successfully. My desire to bolt for the door was as strong as ever but since I was determined to make it work. I kept it from her, not telling her how I felt.

With the other, its a pretty long story but its someone I have liked for years.. 5 in fact. Its someone I know I shouldn't be with and cannot be with due to the massive South China Sea separating us. I'd say she was my first love, found it hard to let go when I finally did just before I met the girl I'm attached to at the moment. It wasn't easy but I knew it had to be done. I can't keep on going back to her when my relationships starts encountering problems. Its like my second nature to run back to her. In some ways I'd consider it emotional cheating, as much as I had loved my previous girlfriends, I've loved her way more. No one has ever come this close until the current one and honestly, it scares the living daylights out of me.

(the second love shall be ignored as it is of little significance.. actually, I just can't remember jack shit about that relationship. LoL. My bad ya?)

I love the girl I'm with right now. She is perfectly imperfect. None too much. Proper balance as I'd say it. She has her flaws but none that bother me. She never ceases to amaze me. In all my 21 miserable years I have never found anyone quite like her. She is in a class of her own.

My dear, I know you'd read this eventually and I just want you to know you're fine the way you are =) couldn't ask for more. Thank you for everything.

P.S. She manages to make me smile innocently with joy in my heart.. Which has been quite a while.. The last person was my first love.. 4 years back.

Return on Investment (ROI)

I was reading ms. gf's blog a couple of minutes ago and her very last post was about Return on Investments and how it cannot be expected in a relationship. The same way I linked it to a song by Matchbox 20 "I'll Believe You When"

Matchbox 20 - I'll Believe You When

I've tried so many times
To tell you how I feel
But you're far too disbelieving
Are you tryin to get even with me
Maybe once or twice
I wasn't fair I wasn't nice
But now I've got myself together
When I promise to be better
Believe You say

(Whoa) I'll believe you when
(Whoa) I'll believe you when
(Whoa) When everything you say don't turn out wrong

(Whoa) I'll believe you when
(Whoa) I'll believe you when
(Whoa) When everything you say don't turn out wrong

I could call you everyday
Give presents by the score
And I could send you pretty flowers
Have them waiting at your door

I could write up in the sky
Forgive me I apologize
Still if I went through every measure
With my promise To Be Better
You'd say

(Whoa) I'll believe you when
(Whoa) I'll believe you when
(Whoa) When everything you say don't turn out wrong

(Whoa) I'll believe you when
(Whoa) I'll believe you when
(Whoa) When everything you say don't turn out wrong

There's nothing you can say
I'll That I haven't tried
Nothing I can do will ever change your mind
Yeah, Maybe I'd do better
If I told somebody else

(Whoa) I'll believe you when
(Whoa) I'll believe you when
(Whoa) When everything you say don't turn out wrong

(Whoa) I'll believe you when
(Whoa) I'll believe you when
(Whoa) When everything you say don't turn out wrong

(Whoa) I'll believe you when
(Whoa) I'll believe you when
(Whoa) I'll believe you when when everything you tell isn't wrong

(Whoa) I'll believe you when
(Whoa) I'll believe you when
(Whoa) I'll believe you when when everything you say don't turn out wrong

On somewhat the same matter, the song is quite catchy and has a nice tune. Check it out if you will.

Anyway, back to my point. I agree with her. What you put out may not be what you get back. Forgive me for saying this but human beings in general are selfish beings, I admit that so am I. We tend to want the best for ourselves and occasionally skimp on things we give and do for others. Its just human nature to be that way. I've heard the stories of her past relationship and honestly, I'm pretty saddened by some of them. However, what's happened has happened. No point looking back.

Personally, I've felt that I've been cheated out of my "investment" a couple of times by various different people. Then again, it is from my own point of view. For all I know, they could have felt or be feeling the same way too on the matter. The one thing I noticed that has been a trend with my relationships are that I get no assurance from my other half. The door felt as if it was constantly open for them to bolt out at any given moment. This made me clingy, not exactly something I enjoy doing but it offers a temporary peace of mind that my relationships lacked =/

Sometimes I get the vibe that Ms. Gf may be too good to be true. Well she is, the friends that know her all agree and have requested that I hunt for a few more females of similar character for them.... (Right.. she's mine! stay away! =p)

She's been a real blessing so far. I was really amazed how she drove to Seremban for the 3 days I was warded for dengue fever. Drove 45minutes to see me for 15 minutes after work then drive back. I was astounded at the dedication she had.. Looks like she really loves me aye?

Oh yes on another note, I had dengue about 2 weeks ago. Apparently, my maker does not want me in a casket just yet. Considering my platelet count was 15 when I entered the A & E department of Hospital Tuanku Jaafar. Like the chinese people say, "Life very long" LoL.

Anyway, back to the original topic. That topic shall appear tomorrow in the next post. Like she said, in a relationship we can never expect a return on investment. It just doesn't work like that.. There was one thing I said to her when we first started, one of the fundamentals of which I am building this relationship with her.. I told her, "I treat people the same way I am treated". She has done well so far =) and I absolutely adore her along with the rest of the friends who has met her. She's a catch. I'm truly grateful to be attached to her ;)

I believe..

I believe my sins they'll be forgiven
and I believe my choice will save me from this life
please don't question why
my sins they'll be forgotten
I believe I'll find peace in afterlife
please don't question why
I left this way

I Wonder Why

My emotions have been in a jumble lately. I no longer have any control over my thoughts. They have just been running rampant like a wildfire fueled solely by the rage suppressed over the years. For some weird reason that I do not understand, the fever really set me right. Rewiring my whole head as if it was just another play toy. I've never felt this focussed for quite a while. Some form of clarity in the midst of the insanity I've thrown myself into years ago.

To be perfectly honest, I don't even know the purpose of this post. Its just some things I want to get off my chest. Feels like this 'thing' has its hands around my neck, penetrating my skin, killing me off bit by bit. Hoping to finally someday, consume me whole and take charge of this now frail body.. beaten down through time.

Today.. I felt a rage I never felt before. Managed to suppress it somehow but it was getting the better of me. Even my housemate and Ms. Gf noticed the change in my eyes during that half an hours worth of lunacy.

My words of late have been relatively poisonous. I just know exactly what to say to chew into someone's mind. To set them off in a path of destruction. Most of these words, I keep to myself. The last thing I need right now is to kill everyone around me that I care about. Hopefully, someday I will understand. Till then, I'll just have to make do with not knowing..

The Things People Do

I have this friend who would go to great lengths to help someone. Regardless of what they mean to him. Be it absolute downright scum of the earth to nobles of ancient England. It is perfectly fine if they meant something to him or if he was to gain something out of it they were as he calls it "insignificant findings". However, this really intrigues me the way he helps others without having anything in for him or expecting anything in return. Not that it always has to be that way but he does it over and over again without taking into consideration the cost it may be to him. I find it very amazing of him to be able to do so.

In my own opinion, I find that it is in our human nature to be selfish. You may be Mother Terasa the second coming but still deep within yourself, there is bound to be things that you want. Even if you do not admit it. They still exist. Get used to it. I find myself really selfish with certain things. Example, I have a strange tendency to ill wish people when they hurt me emotionally. Strange? Like a song goes, "Put on your face and let's pretend". I just hide it exceptionally well. All those years of "training" has finally started to pay off.

Anyway, back to point. I don't quite get what makes him tick. I get annoyed with him sometimes when he gets really down but then all in all I should put on my mask, suck my own misery in, be a good friend and be strong on his behalf. Be sane when he's being irrational =/

On another note, Ms. Gf is awesome! A little too good to be true. We hit our first month and all is well. Hope it stays that way =)

Your Best Enemy

I was just having a nice little chat with Ms. gf before she dozed off despite promising to wake up in 5 minutes, that was 50 minutes ago. Anyway, considering that she looks really cute asleep and is sleeping like a log, I'll continue on this post. The last post got a little too long for my liking. Would have rather it been 2 seperate posts but I thought it would be better under the same title. Anyhow, back to point.

A little thought cropped up in my mind a little while ago. Its about dating your best friend. The notion of this thought really puzzles me. Why on earth would people put themselves through this kind of mayhem? An old friend once described it as a firecracker relationship except that the fuse is much longer and once it goes off it stops for no man, then finally comes to an abrupt halt. This is very personal, an opinion based on what I've seen and discussed with a couple of my closest friends.

Below are the reasoning I have behind not touching your best friend. The main one is the risk of ruining the friendship should a breakup (not that I am hoping it happens, mainly because I feel sorry for the poor chums involved) occur. Same reason L won't get together with me and I won't get together with the two A's and S. I value the friendship way too much to let some juvenile infatuation get the better of me. So far the people I have talked to about this issue have agreed with me. Of whom I also inquire how many of this kind of relationships that they know of that have worked out. I'm sorry to report that unfortunately, none have survived. When the break occurs, it normally ends pretty disastrously (even that is an understatement). Your circle of friends, especially if they are the same would be torn in two. Forcing them to choose which of the two of you they favour more. There is no real such thing as sitting on the fence as many would love to do.

Even if the relationship looks promising, the chances are that it will end is pretty darned high. I never quite understood why and being typically me, I sought the answers. Reasons as to why the statistics are so bleak for this kind of relationships. Came along Ms. gf with her all her wisdom. She explained just before she conked out that we have different expectations of our partners and our friends. That we are more forgiving as friends compared to being partners. There are certain expectations we tend to have when we are in a relationship compared to when we are just plain best friends. She agrees with me too that she too has heard far too many horror stories about this to even consider being together with a best friend of hers.

Then there is also the tendency to dive deep into the sea of love because you trust the other party so much that you fail to safeguard yourself then when you get hurt, you get hurt really badly and hence you get angry and spiteful after the breakup. Far too much heartache lies in between. All that love and trust turns to ashes.

Seems like your best friend would eventually become your best enemy aye?

When you lose, don't lose the lesson

An old friend of mine whom I used to go out on weekly "yum cha" sessions but we haven't really kept in contact ever since I came to Seremban as I do not go back on a weekly basis or I'm tied up at a different location in KL. Recently, I've been back just for the past two weekends and have been looking for her but she's always been busy with her own affairs. So we still haven't gotten the chance to really sit down and do some catching up. From someone that used to know just about everything that constitutes my existence to a stranger I barely know. I'm deviating a little here, you will understand why soon enough. Recently, a couple of days ago she texted me asking whether I wanted to go out for a drink. I replied in a relatively sarcastic manner, saying I would like to but I was nowhere close to Cheras. She then asked where I was but before I got the chance to reply, she sent another stating that it was her birthday and she was bored at home. I replied that I was in Seremban in the coldest tone a message could deliver. Totally oblivious to what had just occured I went on hanging out with my mates only to realise my mistake at later that night.. Made me ponder a bit, where on earth is her boyfriend!? Shouldn't he be with her? However, that was the least of my worries. My main concern was how I reacted. Instead of wishing her happy birthday and saying that I'd make it up to her by meeting up with her the next week, I had just dissed her off as if she was nobody to me. When I came to this, I felt like.. Crap.

How on earth could I have been so cold and heartless? This made me feel even more guilty. Till today I have yet to make it up to her. My frosty message was the last I sent to her. I do not understand why I did that. My subconscious was at play then and now my conscious just cannot bring myself to face the guilt. D and the gf assured me that it was normal to feel like this. Telling me to rectify the situation by telling her you'd spend some time with her when you get back. Instead of doing that, I went on justifying myself why she deserved to be treated that way (I have many reasons for them) but that still does not justify the way I had treated her. Sighh.. emotional dilemma it is.

This may not sound as dire as compared to other things/mistakes I have committed but it still is of relative significance to me. Makes me wonder when and how did it come to this? Or did she really deserve it for the way she has treated me before? I really do not know.

Another thing that cropped up was when I got together with Ms. gf. Someone whom I had mutual (at least I think so) feelings for was not particularly happy. You know who you are. I do recall saying I would not get together with anyone while I was still studying after the last incident 4-5 months back for the fear of getting hurt. I meant it. Really. However I managed to stumble upon someone who has been able to make me really happy. She delivered the sensation of a lightness in my chest with surgical precision the same way you did 5 years ago, the very same feeling that kept my heart tied to you over the years despite having cycled through 3 gf's in that period. Emotional cheating as I would put it. I know you are happy now with you current bf (you said so yourself), I wish you well and I really do think its about time we moved on (I think you already have). She is not perfect but I truly do love her the same way I had loved you before. I certainly do wish you well in your future undertakings and I'm glad you have finally found your perfect one (in your own words). Unlike what you claim to be bitter memories, there were not. They still bring smiles to my face, reminiscing on how naive we used to be. Besides bitter memories never taunt me as you expected them to. I normally just ignore them so much so that I forget them. Sweet memories are the ones that taunt me the most, thinking way too much over my head on the "What if's" and how things could have been. Note: Could.

What is done is done, it is futile to think about them too much. Like something I read somewhere in an email sent to me, "When you lose, don't lose the lesson".

I feel like a stone..

Mr. K has been bugging me to blog for the past few days. According to him, he wants something to read and frankly I've been pretty sedated for the past 2 weeks. Cut back on my daily dose of lunacy for the moment. Been either too tired or too preoccupied with other things to be bothered blogging =/

Well.. First of all, I'm finally taken off the market again. Thanks for not excessively spamming my page on facebook and especially not spamming my phone but...... when I got back to Seremban after the long weekend, my taskbar was filled to kingdom come with MSN chat boxes open.. LoL. So much for peace and quiet.

Anyway, things are going pretty good so far =) that's all I will say. Don't need my entire life sprawled over the internet for the world to see. Hehe. Anyhow, I shall see if I am able to blog further tomorrow. My mind is kinda blank at the moment. Pretty obvious don't you think? =/

oh well...
cheers!

Fried Brains for Breakfast

I'm sitting here wondering what and how on earth I'm going to type my EBM (Evidence Based Medicine) and ethical report for my Family Medicine Posting. Writing up my still incomplete MO (Medical Officer) Clinic report with such beautifully crafted sentences that puts Shakespeare to shame is already tiring as it is. You can only decorate your report so much before you eventually run out of things to say.

To add pressure to pain, I just realized that my supposedly settled video of me clerking a patient was not what I thought it was. Instead of taking the video of me clerking the patient, my "assistant" then did not record it. The video only started recording after he had pressed the button which he thought was the second time (it was the first) to stop the recording. So when I looked at the video this morning to do some minor editing just in case the end of the clerking was not actually the "actual" end. The video is done for formalities sake, so after the video we tend to have a little chat with the patient before sending them off. Well... the video that was recorded was the part where we were just talking plain rubbish with the patient =p so now, with about 6 hours to when I need to hand the thing in, I have to go retake the video =/

Joy oh joy it is to do last minute work. I don't quite feel I've learnt my lesson just yet though. Haha. Despite getting into trouble way too many times for doing things last minute. I somehow have managed to scrape through. Delivering what is demanded of me still but this is far too tiring for my liking. I already do not have enough sleep from my housemate blaring his music at 6.45am. To make matters worse, his room is the biggest empty space in the entire condo, the living room.. You know where this is going..

Speaking of exams, our house has to be one of the most stress free places to stay. Haha. The day before K's exam, he was busy playing Counter Strike at 12am (his exam was at 8am). Then there was mine, I was out at KFC celebrating SB's birthday before proceeding to crash on my bed at 11pm as W killed several trees as he played Dawn of War 2 on my computer at full graphics (sucks in a good 500 watts at maximum power) until 1am before I was allowed to be alone in my room once again. Then SB's exam which was this morning, he spent yesterday just watching anime's and a movie with me instead of the studying or alternatively report typing we should have been doing. Note: SHOULD. Seems like no studying goes on in this house whatsoever. Actually, that sounds like a pretty sweet deal. Hehe. My theory on not studying last minute for exams is.. well.. you see, if you don't study, you are guaranteed to get a pounding from the examiners the next day. Even if you do, you are beyond reasonable doubt going to get a sounding from them anyway. So... why bother? If you study, you think you know your stuff just to have that pipe dream set ablaze the very next day. If you don't, you rest in peace that you do not know shit and are mentally prepared for the mental torture tomorrow! So in conclusion, do not bother. Have fun while you can =p it is just my way of saying we're way too lazy or we're just so sick of studying by now. Haha..

Another hilarious story was about K cooking dinner last night. I was happily typing my reports up when I heard the sound of flames. Being in the room just directly opposite of the kitchen I saw the wok he was cooking with on fire. I looked in awe of his fine culinary skills until he started panicking and brought the wok to the tap in attempts to put it out. Very clever. Oil + Water make a good combination don't they? He managed to anyhow. If only it was intentional, I'd be impressed but since it was not.. We had a good laugh at how good of a cook he'd make.

I shall now get back to my work. Will write some more later on after those are settled =)

Till then..
Cheers people.